Wanting to change, is often just not enough,
When the life you have led has been painful and tough.
Stuck in a pattern of self loathing and hate,
Is not easy to leave, it's like challenging fate.

I'm told that karma always has the last say,
I'll take what is coming, I'll not stand in the way.
Plagued by the images of people I've hurt,
Makes suicide appealing, so I toy and I flirt.

Truth be told, I'm too tired to play on with this game,
I'm so full of guilt, of regret and of shame.
Sobriety for me, is not all the good I was told,
For when stoned, I felt young yet now, oh so old.

Maybe it's me and my destiny is this?
Maybe I've felt my last hug and last kiss?
Maybe because of all the pain that I caused?
Til my end finally comes, my life has been paused?

The only thing that no question, I'm sure that I know,
Is; I know nothing at all and if that must be so,
Then quietly I'll wait until my end is nigh,
And I can return at last, to the Lord God on high.

© AMBSewart