Straying only made a mad beggar out of me,
You hurt me,
I ran.
You loved me,
You did not say.
I raked my brain,
Not knowing what to believe,
And when the mental turmoil was too much,
I put distance between us,
Hoping I would forget.

You smiled at others,
Wished it was me.
I knew I did not deserve you,
But why torture me with silence,
Ignorance and disdain?
I wanted to feel it,
Live it and have it to myself,
But you denied me a piece,
Of your heart
To make my home.

Maybe I asked for too much,
Because you were willing to part,
With money and material things,
Just to keep me away from you.
I loved
You unloved everything.
I built
Where you wanted no habitation.
I tried
To keep you here
With me
To make a home, be friends, parents
Partners and a team
You wanted none of it.
So I had to leave.

What should I have done,
That I did not do?
This is not my dream
To pour so much effort
Where all I got was indifference.
I wanted to be home,
But you did not see
That what I wanted was you.

Still hurts that I had to go through pain
And my absence made you realise
What I really wanted from you.
Did we have to suffer first
Before we found
Our homes were in each other
With each other?
I am only relieved
That at least you found out
That the essence of life
Was not in how we looked
But who we loved.
Loved enough to make a home.
Loved enough to feel at home.

You began to see
And I saw too.
What I wanted to see
It was how I wanted to feel.
A love that brought sense to a standstill.
Home was in your heart.
And it did not have to hurt.
So I took off my rags
Walked back into your arms.
Into your heart.
My home.

© Taeniel Athie