You were a mystery to me.
Cool boys would never take the bus with girls like me,
cool boys would never walk to the next station,
instead of flashing their parent's money and taking a taxi home....
but u....
u stood in the bus, right next to me,
playing vocabulary riddles....and wriggling your ears.
In your eyes, I forgot myself.
and made you king of all the cool boys.

....I liked you.
But I was a teen.
I probably must have liked everyboy who had ever talked me then.
I was a teen.
You have no idea how grown up it felt to be sixteen then,
and how childish it feels now.
I loved you,...
and you didn't break my heart.
You didn't disappoint.
You didn't reject me.
I did.

I ....rejected ME.

I knew I was gonna regret it.
The chance would never come again.
I won't ever see a cute boy smiling down at me and playing vocabulary riddles in a bus....
a boy walking with me on the road,
and standing and waiting for me
when i fell behind,
a boylooking out for me in the class.
I knew that....and yet I walked away anyway.
I guess I had guts.

I liked you.
hell_ I loved you.
and leaving without the slightest attempt to find ways to see you next time.....
broke my heart as I knew it would.
well...darling....
It was my love or my pride....and I chose....

Pride. Ofcourse.
And walked away with a straight face
that said i wasn't dying to keep in touch with u.

I looked for u on the streets you know,
for all the highschool years that were left ,
hoping fate would bring us together....
because my cowardice wouldn't.

It didn't.

I knew my heart would break.
and I ....let it.


What I didn't know....however,
was that I was not a grown up at all.
I was only a love sick sixteen year old girl....who thought every moment with boys was special.
now that's funny....for I thought I was ntn like the rest of the teens back then....
I thought I was grown up.

well...I was wrong.
...
or was I?
cause you are still a sweet boy...
who would hold the doors for me...
and would walk me to my home....

and I still like you.
but...I ....

I don't blush and giggle at our memories now.
and I don't look out the window hoping to see u...

I look outside to see the birds.
I walk to the next station just to cross through the park and talk with the trees.

I like you....I do...


...but u don't have to take buses with me now, or wriggle your ears to my delight....
I don't have to meet you...or see you.
I know you exist....somewhere....somehow...
and I am glad I met you.

I loved you,
but I was a teen_a fool who didn't know was a fool.

I like you.
But am a grown woman now...
with a heart of stone.
No bus can take you in to my grown_up heart.

I was in love.
I was a teen. It was easy....it was foolish.
Now I'm an adult.
who does not love.

....my heart doesn't flutter anymore.
I guess it's dead.

Funny tho.
I now have ur contact.
so....call me....when u wanna take the bus.

© KWT