I told my counsellor about my suicide note; I brought it into an appointment, and she read it, and she said, "It is beautifully written."

It is beautifully written.

That was the reaction I got from handing over something that would be my last words to the world, and now I've gone to get help from anybody.
My counsellor now won't give me any reason as to why she cannot see me anymore. I reach out and tell her that they have closed my case and that they can no longer help me, and that was it. That was the end of that conversation, that was the end of my help, my timeline of events — so that is what is pulling on me today, making me feel like complete shit. We can be screaming for help and begging for it, and yet these people, who are meant to be there for us, are not. They just tell us to take it one day at a time. This is why people don't ask for help; this is why they don't want help; this is why people kill themselves because the professionals that are meant to help them either stop talking about it or laugh it off and say, "It is beautifully written."
 
So that's where I am today; that is why I feel so exhausted in life, why I feel so tired, why I don't want to continue to fight anymore — I'm so tired, I'm so tired of asking for help, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to survive.
 
You have to laugh about it, because if you don't, you'll cry.

© All Rights Reserved — Jai