I was supposed to wake up happy...
I was not supposed to be tired by then.
I thought I was going to enjoy my day
But... its back to square one again.

The things that happen around me...
I don't know if they make me sick or excited
I can't tell if I crave the attention??
Or if I just want to be invited?

I struggle with the feeling of loss
Yet I feel like I've never had anything to lose??
I struggle with positive thoughts
I just don't have many I can use

I thought I was going to try today
I thought it was going to be different
But then the looming pointlessness
I threw away every intention

I don't want others around me to be sad
But, they say I got to live my life?
If I take my life they will be sad
So I'm not allowed to make that sacrifice??

Do you really know what I feel ever day
Or how painful it is to see me??
Can you imagine carrying broken glass in your skin
While maintaining how you want to see me

I'm not happy!!! With anything in my life...
I know I love things...
But is that enough to keep me alive??
I just need a reason I guess, something to hold onto
If you have a moment... could I borrow a reason from you?

© Kasey Spotanski