I finally made myself a home.
I'm finally adjusted, finally used to it.
I've finally fallen into a pattern that's okay
A pattern I've planned to curve the lines but make them stay in place one day
A pattern I can walk
A pattern I resemble

Each hello
Each good morning
Each see you later
Each greeting from the people I've known for years
I've finally been here long enough to recognize my place,
Where I belong.

And I'm leaving again.
The pattern ripped from my quilt of life
A pattern so lovely not just broken but torn to pieces
Each thread blown away in the wind

One day I might forget what the pattern looked like
It's softness and familiarity that I had yearned for for years
I didn't see how nice it was at first,
Because I had never known what a home felt like,
To feel familiar.
But once I finally knew, once this feeling made sense,
All the good of the pattern is burning it's shreds and I am left to inhale the smoke

No pattern is perfect
This pattern had flaws
This pattern tore my soul apart
But this pattern kept me hopeful for the future
The pattern had marks across the canvas that told a story of trying to hold on
Because one day it will all be worth it

Now my pattern is getting left behind
And I have no control
I finally found myself a pattern I could adjust to,
And now I have to do it all over again.

I have to seek a new home
A new pattern

I don't want to find something new
I don't want to change again
I don't want to start over

Why do I have to keep finding a new pattern?