No...
It wasn't supposed to be this way
The bad habits were supposed to be gone
Why did I do it again?
I thought I fixed it
I thought I was getting better
I thought they were going to stop hurting my heart
I promised her I wouldn't do it
I lied
I failed her
I failed her
What is she going to think of me now?
She'll never trust me again
I wouldn't either
I feel so faint
So weak and delicate
It's as though I'll shatter like a porcelain doll if I fall down
I can barely make it anywhere on time
My body is so slow on the stairs
Everything is so heavy
My legs want to buckle under me
I did this to myself
And I enjoyed it
I enjoyed hurting myself
I'm sick
I'm a sick sick monster
It's all my fault
I'm finally going to confess to her that her words hurt me
But she's going to find out about the cuts one way or another
She's going to think it's her fault
I didn't come to her first when I promised I would
I told her I would ask her for help when I needed it
I didn't
It's all my fault
I didn't tell her they were still hurting my heart
I'm going to make her cry
she's going to cry because of me
I'm a monster
Doing this to my wonderful mother
My grieving mother
I'm nothing but a monster
They were right
I didn't deserve to enjoy hurting myself
I deserve to hurt and hurt only
And it does hurt
It hurts a lot