I hesitate and feel completely utterly lost but there's beauty in the Chaos. even if life came with a handbook I still wouldn't know where to look

I'm no bitch but trust I'm shook sometimes I feel I'm only alive just to live for the ones that died
because who am I to throw away a chance they don't get.

I guess I'm forever jealous of there peace my therapist says she needs me to "open up" well I wrote this for are next session I hope its "open enough"so here it is doc hope I get it in before...