It's not judgement. I was that mean to myself. I changed my life, but the cost was being an absolute asshole to me. I don't know what we do to fix it now, ma... I am trying. I am trying to get back into the heart of a chick I really care about. One who I told to fuck off enough times, that she did. If I can fix it with her, and gain that insight, I will let you know. For now. I don't how to fix a broken heart, mom. I don't know how to uncrease the picture. I don't know how to poor love back into a place that I have allowed hatred to spill. If I ever figure it out, I will let you know, how we fix it. If it is a struggle for me to get back to her, however, in what reality are you going to put in the effort it would take? I don't know how, ma. I have relationships that mean more to me, to figure it out in first. That may sound cruel of me, but you told me one too many times that you didn't want to be my mom. I wish I didn't hurt people, but I am glad I am not you, because you wont even take accountability. It isn't that I judge you, mom. I just cannot except your excuses while my depression, and high spectrum struggles, and every single limitation I have ever had has never been allowed to be that. I am grateful for my struggle, it made me stronger than you. Maybe too strong. I am too good at leaving. I have spent so many years of my life, waiting for you to love me. Waiting for you to tell me I am enough. I owe it to so many people to make it right with them, before I get to you. I love you, but not enough to take from myself in order to give to you. You are my mother. How dare you come to expect anything from me. I am your child. You want what my daughter sees in me? Be it to me. Show up with your actions, mama. Quit...