I want to break down and cry
But it's like I've forgotten how.
I remember when I could let the tears fall easily at a sad thought
But it seems I'm too grown now.
I feel all the hurt yet my eyes can't seem to tear up
and that tears me up.

Now, my face is like a wall.
Breaking inside
Faint cracks I try to hide
How do I feel again,
When I've hidden myself so deep in my shell
To avoid feeling?

I've been trying to feel and I think I can't.
I can't forgive myself.
I'm on my knees in front of my mirror
Seeing myself through the eyes of strangers.
I can't fall for myself, how could they?
I wanted to be strong but now
I dread the ghost of the being I am.

And I lose myself
Can't see
Can't sleep
Can't breathe
I'll wait in my bed
Press the pillow to my face.

I've been paranoid.
A void to fill.
I might feel this way.
And the last words that I say,
Is
I love you.

Seeing you through red colored lenses
Of love and the haze of bloodlust
Truly, I feel it all underneath.
As the plates of my being disintegrate
Into specks of dust.

© melodiousphoenix