If you were still here I'd find a way

to make you listen to every word I say

I would not look away from your eyes not even once

I would put down my phone and buy you lunch

I would sit with your pretty face in my view

So I could memorize every single little thing about you

I would talk non stop, telling you not to go

Because you are loved so much more than you know

I would tell you stories you've heard a million times

I would try to make you laugh so hard there is pains in your sides

If you were here we would dance and drink wine

I would try to keep positive and be very kind

If you were still here I would sing you a song

One about pain one about healing and one for moving on.

I would cry at the closing of this final day

The one word the lump in my throat wont allow me to say,

Comes out finally pushed out with a sob,

I wonder if maybe some thing changed your mind and I'd done a good job

If You were here with me today I would hug you goodbye for too long

I would whisper in your ear your favorite song,

I would look at your face In to your green eyes

I'd say see you later, then youd start to rise

I would begin to unravel screaming to try.

To keep you there with me right by my side.

To which you speak easily youd speak from your heart

When you say he is the one who has torn me apart

I love you too heidi I promise i do

Id be here forever if

I was married to you.

Tears well up in my eyes

She grabs my face tells me i am loved before saying goodbye.

I watch her walking away

Before disappearing she turns to say

Be good to yourself you dont need me

Remember whatever you do I see.

Live your life be happy your smile is the best

Please know my friend I'm tired and peacefully I'll rest

Besides myself with grief I scream out

I love you Rene My friend I can't live without.

You smile before fading away

You tell me youll be back on my day

If I was watching you settle into the clouds

I would whisper through tears I hope I make you proud.

Heidi Shavill

2019