it's almost been a year.
a year since i made the decision
to want to end my life completely

a year since i wanted to see death
just because i knew i'd like it more
because my thoughts had told my body
that we cannot do it
and that is something we had to act on

the suicidal thoughts came like midwest seasons.
woeful winters
suicidal springs
saddening summers
frail falls
until they all collided
and i dealt with it all at once

i cant tell you exactly what i felt
but my world was crashing.
i was thinking about suicide three times a day
my job was ruining my mental health
and my boyfriend had broken up with me
mid spiral.
it felt like the people i needed most
needed me less.

i distanced from family
to make my attempt feel needed
friends became acquaintances
my boyfriend became a stranger
it even felt like my brain and my body
were disconnected
i was losing grasp on the things...