“the way she died was not unexpected at all. this was very expected and it was going to happen sooner than later. she knew that deep down she couldn’t stay alive; not even for astrid’s sake.”

after the first foster home,
the second one felt brand new
it was quiet and calm
something astrid sure neeeded
after all that happened to her.

when she met claire
she quickly observed
how soft and tender
her voice sounded
it soothed her to listen
every movement claire made
with her lips to speak
was so delicate you wanted a kiss.

they spent every day together
there was never a day either of them
didn’t have a smile on their faces
and that was until claire’s husband
finally came back from
being out of town.

did he think that coming back
would make her happy
after the numerous times he’s done it?
he was always back and forth
twenty-four hours, seven days a week.
claire needed him to stay with her
she was tired of him leaving all the time
but thank god for astrid now
it’s up to her to fill claire’s void for now.

astrid’s mother knew all about claire
some of it from the letters
astrid wrote to her and some
she figured out on her own.
when astrid went to visit her
at the jail cell,
her mother was no longer hers
but now, it was claire
she took over her mother’s spot
and claimed it for herself.

as she looked at astrid for a while
she could see that she almost
looks like claire now
with her clothes and jewelry.
she sure was jealous of the fact
that they go out shopping,
and she treats astrid
with care and kindness
she just knew she couldn’t show it.

her mother wanted to meet claire
and claire wanted to meet her
for whatever reason, she saw
astrid’s mother as being
“powerful” and “strong”
two words astrid didn’t approve of.
she hated the fact they wanted to meet
and things would just get worse.

astrid came along when they met
and then her mother and claire
had a private conversation.
astrid wanted to take every drop
of words she could hear of them talking
but only saw the movements
of their mouths.

what was her mother saying to her?
how much could she possibly have to say
to a woman she’d just met?

whatever astrid said to claire
it had stuck with her until the night
of her suicide
astrid was filled with anger
how dare her mother make claire
more unbalanced than she already was.

claire’s husband was gone again
and this time, she felt very lonely
she layed in bed without a man
right beside her too
she felt cold and empty
something was always missing.

astrid came in her room
to check on her
and she decided to sleep with her
that lonely night.
they cradled each others bodies
feeling their warmth against their skin
this was the last night they’d touch.

in the morning, astrid woke up
and claire was still asleep
as she tried to wake her up,
she found herself being useless
claire would not wake up.
then she found a bottle of pills
spilled all over the floor
and at that point
she knew what she’d done.

claire didn’t die alone
she had someone that
would give her
the comfort she needed
in order to rest in peace.

“claire did nothing to you. why’d you go after her?” -astrid
claire went after herself. i just showed her how to do it.” -ingrid (astrid’s mom)

-white oleander inspired

© eyesthatcry