I eat despite the megaphone voice in my brain declaring
“fat, fat, fat”
I occasionally create a to-do list and I cross off the things I find the courage to do and sometimes I add laughter in there and I chuckle and I cross it off.
I allow my scars heal and I do not draw new ones,
I manifest beautiful dreams and I let myself hope.
it's 3:00am and I'm still awake but I try to goggle ways I can fall asleep although the night is almost gone and morning hurries in with her soft lips to kiss the ones who slept all night, I'd wake up at noon to meet the afternoon sun in rage but I don't care. I try!!!
Sometimes when I listen to love songs,
I imagine singing them to myself and I sob loudly because nobody can ever understand how much void is in me and how much love it would take to fill that up, probably not enough in a lifetime.
I wear my natural hair sometimes and I think of my mother’s hair and I smile.
I seduce myself into a tight dress and pose for a picture because hashtag body positivity not despite but regardless.
My smile has the permanence of a yawn but I gift it to myself sometimes,
and I try to love myself on days like this
days when I do not feel worthy of even my own love.
© Hope