im trying all I can to not let these thoughts in my head get the better of me, I feel like I'm the walking dead, i can't get ahead when I think this could be it I am nearly there, it's one step forward 10 steps back it's another lesson learnt, my decisions left me burnt, how will I escape this hell it's a painful place to be u think u know what I mean but i guarantee u ain't got a clue not even a bit, u can't begin to imagine what i battle, the pain i keep hidden,I can't let it show y'all can say what ya want i ain't worried about y'all,it's all just nonsense, its all just hear say,he say, she say,but they said u said,that I said you said he said she said, IDGAF who sayz a thing,your interrogating me like u know the answers to the questions u be asking, I hate this shit, not having u around not being able to hug u at night, call Upon you when shit ain't going right, I'd call u to save my arse,day or night u would be there no doubt even if after a while your timing got delayed til u forgot to remind ur self I existed everyday, now it's like I ain't ever been in ur heart you've pulled away from me I feel it in my heart, I can't take this pain of losing you after everyone else but losing u twice 1st the government say we can't have contact like we criminal but we ain't, 2nd time u left me and said goodbye I felt it in my chest it was getting tighter with every breath,my body began to ache my hands began to shake,my stomach was turning,I was left behind and abandoned by the one who said he would always be mine, always have my back, he was on one knee proposing to me, new years eve going into 2015, i felt this so fuckiin deeplyI started feeling weak, i started feeling like i was collapsing but i couldn't show it on the surface so i collapsed on the inside, it's my pride that kept it hidden well and created this mask so no one could tell,but time goes on distance u wanted it's now my reason for living life with so much hate, that mask is getting heavy now tho and my feet are starting to drag, I'm looking drained, I'm feeling like a zombie on auto pilot,I feel myself going insane, I feel my life going down the drain, I am doing what I gotta but there is only so much I can battle even the strongest soldier, needs a hand sometimes, make life a little easier, why make shit harder, why am I turning silent when I want to say so much more, am i at my weakest,
this could be true,
don't think it's much of a secret I
always got pins and needles ,my heads a mess I can't think straight no matter how hard I try I still end up failing, I still end up being late i still end up missing most events if ever invited cos I'm a shit kunt
I've weighed it up and the cons out weigh the pros until i say good bye
I've worked out it's worth the sacrifice
but i won't go until I fight my last fight my kids will know I did my best babii I hope u recognise what u had when u chose what u chose when u left.cos he choice made mine for me ur choices made me want to leave, the state then the country then the world now I ain't even fussed Its hard to say what I mean.
© sandiiRsalt