( TRIGGER WARNING: Discusses eating disorder. )

Sitting on the bathroom floor
My body shivers as I hold myself together.
My legs pressed against my chest,
I can feel the anxiety trying to claw it's way from my stomach to my throat.
It can't seem to come out.
I can feel it making a maze of knots in my stomach trying to find it's escape.
I crawl my way to the toilet every once in awhile hoping the vomit will finally come out.
Each time I gag I feel like I'm suffocating.
My lungs can't get the oxygen it needs.
Then, suddenly there's a small sliver of peace.
So small I almost missed it.
That sudden moment of silence, of calm comes after the vomit came out.
It's not that I'm nervous,
I want to go, but it's keeping me back.
I already had to cancel on tuesday, If I do again today the opportunity will go away.
I can say goodbye to joining the team.
It's like my stomach has a plan of it's own that it decided not to share with the rest of me.
Failing to help me remember why I can't seem to move anymore as the shivers worsen.

My mom comes with a spoon full of peanut butter telling me to eat it before I faint again.
This is normal for me.
I'm the one with health problems no one wants to talk about.
They force me to eat breakfast, but don't bat an eye at my empty stomach at night.
In the beginning I told myself I wasn't hungry,
But now my body is trained.
It...