Void in my heart numbness in my brain,
As I write these words drenched in pain. Ascertain of the things I would attain,
Or even if it's worth the energy I drain.
I have felt cold in hot summer,
I have shivered with my body covered.
I have felt a collosal weight on my chest, Everytime I shut eyes for an aiding rest.

I often find my eyes staring at the ceiling,
Is it blurry white that's appealing,
Or maybe distraction from a certain feeling. Maybe a way for mental healing.
I relate to every sad reel and song,
Often tear up while humming along.
Is it the touching lyrics that break me down,
Or the mournful melancholy in which I drown.

I spend hours solving academical questions,striving to find an answer,
I feel languished unwinding these
thoughts, finding a cure for this cancer.
These thoughts dont let me sleep so I rely on pills,
It's not the sleeplessness but the nightmare that kills.

It's not falling endlessly or just dying at the end,
It's like standing alone in murky air watching darkness transcend.
It's like drowning in black water as it engulfs me till I hit rock bottom,
Or walking in pitch black revisiting the memories, the damned, lost and forgotten.

There is so much inside but only if my heart would confess,
Or these feelings if any mortal language could express.
Everytime my mind tries to be citizen of peace in this chaotic mess,
It becomes a perplexing trouble itself, an agent of stress

I have company of supportive folks that's for certain,
But every vent out would make me a beast of burden.
I wish I was a pragmatist and less traumatic,
Wish I sounded emphatic to myself and less dramatic.
I wish every line I wrote was filled with joy and hope,
Wish it felt more than cold winter, a bright autumnal slope.

But as the ears await to hear sounds in this tranquility
And eyes and hand coordinate to put my thoughts in glass reality
As my heart attempts to keep my feelings confined
And my mind struggles for chaotic thoughts to align
As moonlight touches my skin and stars shine bright..
It's just one more night with the Demons of mine
© The Iceberg