I knew this outcome wasn't desirable.
I knew the feelings weren't traceable.

I wanted closure.
Instead, I got exposure.
Exposure to a basic line.
One that shut my mind.

Is that all you had to say?
I guess that's your way.
To senseless restrictions you obey.
I guess I was only in the way.

I never meant to pass it to your hands.
I saw you falling apart in the stands.
I thought you needed a fan.
So, I took it upon myself to be your band.

I didn't know if it'd helped or if I only caused more problems.
I just wanted to get rid of a face that shouldn't have been solemn.
Maybe, I read too much into the situation and gave into temptation.
I felt a sensation equal to that of a whole nation.

I ended up locked in my mind.
I tried to leave it for another time.
But you insisted on setting a fine.
This reliance on a false guideline I could not take as kind.
It tore to be defined by a line.

You deflected my heart and then inquired about my part.
All you did was portray a role, one in which you'll have to sell your soul.
I just wanted an interaction that was human.
The result to me was inhumane.

Any genuine answer would've been fine.
Before raising it to be a crime.
For a place for growth there are too many restrictions.
Treating us as kids turns the whole point to be missing.

I hinted at the knife jammed deep in my heart.
You didn't pull it out to save me from the dark.
You didn't push it in to watch me fall apart.
You avoided the decision straight from the start.

I know I don't have anything to offer.
I know I'm not adequate.
I knew I was only going to suffer.
I knew my heart was going to drown in a pit.

We are people as well.
We can't live in a shell.
I just wanted to be able to tell.
Before I took upon the fall.

This feeling reminds me of long ago.
It's when I realized I had no place to go.
To me everything was only a show.
I couldn't take ahold of the flow.
So, I turned my feelings down to low.
To help take a world of blows.

Am I the secluded?
Or am I the included?
I've even fooled myself.
I don't know which is my real self.

I miss counting the stares.
I miss calling you mine.

Is this how it ends?
Can you hear me cry?
I've hit another dead end.
It's time for goodbyes.

I miss relaxing in the dark.
I miss not having to take part.

Inching closer.
Trying not to think about it.
The stench smothers.
The echo of a voice that I'm so over.

You helped me realize feelings aren't for play.
You helped me remember what I used to say.
I just have to shut up and get through the day.
Keeping busy is the only way.
That way, I don't have to think about all the yesterdays.

Feeling so far away.
I made it my endeavor.
This won't go away.
I'll make it last forever.

© BleedingMiasma