Victimized thoughts

l feel alive when poison is running through my veins numbing my pain.
My head bowed a train of thoughts running on daily routine rails to make me feel sane.
I feel alive digging on my veins bleeding out as tears pour to heal the wounds in isolated cabins.
My story on repeat splashing my emotions on a canvas barely noticed hanging like another talent on display awaiting perusal.
Walking through burning fire blistering my dreams just to resurface a past calling in the darkest hours to give poisonous solace.
Dressed in my clown attire an acquired refugee identity hiding my tears behind a mask of smiles;
Making you applaud and laugh in merriment playing a role you have scripted.

Educated and led down a safe path shaping me into mediocrity;
Breaking free merely succumbing to defeat at the hands of my own rage.
When the world is asleep a dreamer within me comes to light.
I am steal weakened in the furnace shaped with pressure,cooled in water for restoration of strenght to creat a sharp-edged sworld cutting myself deep.
Leashed to a heavy rock,tossed in a sea,drowning to the bottom gasping for breath as l suffocate.
Capitulating to my fate feeling only whats real....PAIN.
Iife is death l will live beyond the grave bereft of the worldly burden when l am gone.

Trying to find peace turning the pages but still stuck on the same chapter.
Rewinding the clock that is stuck on the same hour.
Battling depression cutting the embryonal attachment between my intelligence and negative perception.
I have captured my rationality in a self designed prison and my sanity is peeking through gapped bars.
Holding myself together just to maintain my composure;
Life is a tough war l doubt my strength of soldiering on.
I am generous with my blessings at the weight of my insufficiency;
Apathy is a drug...