Why do I feel like this?

Who do I do this to myself?

Why does he make me feel disgusted, the one man I 'loved'?

Why don't I feel sad?

Is it because I already knew?

I knew he would brake me.

I knew that would've come soon.

He caused me blood.

He hit me but, his words would always hurt the most.

I thought he loved me

Hell he even made a toast

He said I was alone.

He caused me to believe that I was alone.

That he was all I had

That if he wasn't in the bed I would just go mad.

I couldn't sleep for years.

He caused those tears

Those empty whines in the mirror.

He caused those scars

For what?

More years of tears.

Blood dripped down my body for what fel like eternity

I never got help till he drove me to my near

He would twist all my fears

All my emotions?

In one ear then he would whisper

You're never safe not even when I'm here

He was my fear

I thought he was my best friend

I've known him for years

Now tell me something

Is there more to life?

Is there more to life then just heartbrake and love?

Or are we stuck in this addicting cycle?

For what?

Fame?

Self worth?

Feelings?

To be afraid?

Because I know I'm afraid.

I'm afraid.

I'm scared there is gonna be someone out there who is worse than him.

If that would compare my lowest point to a high.

I'm afraid I would become too attached to someone again.

where I would risk getting hurt and into trouble for.

I did so much and he didn't even open up.

he kept me on the floor while he was walking out the door.

4 years ago I met him, he's been a liar from the start

I thought he stopped but, he continued to lie once more.

I wanted to feel bad for him.

but he has never shown me any remorse.

sure he has said sorry,

sorry for the things he couldn't even control

but he never even let me open the door.

I thought I could help him.

He said that he was helping me

He made me feel guilty, guilty for nothing.

I knew that the time but I didn't want to believe it.

I didn't want to believe that the man I once quote on quote loved was a flame

He burnt me to the ground.

He would apologize by saying I love you. but you can tell she never meant it,

I would wake up at 3 a.m. to him calling me, him needing me.

but everytime he would call me in tears I would just look in the mirror and not recognize myself while it's staring back.

Because those empty wines the mirrors

became into wishes for a better fear

he scared me.

He was what hurt me.

He said he didn't need me.

But yet again he did make a toast.

because he was my yellow oh, he was my yellow only mine or so I thought.
© porcelain doll