I DO MORE DRUGS

I am what you call a loser.
i'm a worthless piece of shit.
i put my drug use above everything
And when i start feeling lonely and guilty for cutting so many wonderful people out of my life
so I can run wild on as many drugs as I crave (which of course is a number growing fast towards infinity)
anyway
so you'll never believe what I do when I've got that loneliness that I can't kick,
i do the one and only thing that works for me of course
I do more drugs

i do drugs in higher quantities more frequently until those God damned feeling go far far away
five years ago I was celebrating 3 years clean
when I had a relapse that started at 10am on a beautiful spring morning near St. Louis
at a Marriott on the outskirts of Columbia, MO to be precise
and when I finally got some sleep
I was in Phoenix, AZ
with my ex girlfriend at old plug's house
face deep iñ a tray óf heroin
now at the 5 year anniversary of that
my primary addiction has escalated first to fentanyl pills
and then now to fentanyl powder
the stuff is so strong that of course I ñeed some meth all dày to stay awake
like I said,
i'm a loser
i'm gonna die this way.

i'm going down slow right now and
So get a false sense of calm
But one thing I've learned is that with addiction
It's never enough until it's too much
And too much fentanyl means I'm dead.
So don't get discouraged all you haters
My early exit is imminent.




© Edward Storm