PS: Sexual explicit content discussed
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Why don’t men like me?
they all want to spite me
Play with my heart
Fuck on my body
Seems I’m the new towns hottie
Been going around trying to spread my love
To bad I’m so stupid for even trying
Discretion and discernment is what I lack
Been lying to myself
All the other boys know the actual truth
I’m just a quick fuck
Someone running off of dumb luck
They don’t want me or my love
Not even my thoughts or emotions matter to them
I’m just some some play thing to win
Let me pleasure them all
They don’t give a fuck about me
All they see is sex, drugs, and a beautiful face
They see a boy who has to much integrity
Like I’m some rock-in-roll dignitary
I try to push past the lustful eyes and sideways words
To bad I fall right into their traps
Put me on the mother fucking map
I don’t matter to them
Just a body to hold
A smiling face to look at when they all break my heart
Feeling so low and dumb
So used, like some fucking monolith to stare at and touch
Tried of these fuck boys breaking my heart, leaving me in the mud
Usually I’m numb and overly self sufficient, overly self aware
I’ve played this game to many times to know that I’m not winning
But once in a while a different type of boy comes around
Giving me a smile and some curated words
Hands me some flowers and a meal or 2
You know that’s what I enjoy, being adorned and attended to
Soon were in bed
The sex isn’t even good but I never say a goddamn word
They use me, abuse me, and then throw me away after the deed is completed
Done being someone else’s fuck buddy
I’m over useless words and sly glances and false promises
Over being used as a sex object
I’m not some sort of fertilization to drool over, not some-body to lay your parts in
But you don’t care and neither do the rest
My self esteem is so low, I’m feeling like a hot mess
Not taking care of myself
Not voicing my feelings
These boys want to play mind games
Looks like I’m the one not winning
So I’ve learned to turn my heart off
Not to let a single soul in
I'm wearing a mask when I talk to boys
Boost up their egos, I tell them what I want them to hear
I’ll play angel if it makes them believe I’m the best of what’s near
I mean am I not better than the rest?
I used to think so, betting on my over used ego
Been looking at my phone and feeling very dumb, very used
To many times boys have used me for a meat beating
Stick your dick in me
Make yourself cum
But I never do
You can’t even fuck me right, what’s a angel boy to do?
You won’t come back around after we're done
I’ve known the truth
I’ve played the games
But some of these boys keep driving me insane
I hate that I pick and choose
Once in a blue moon, letting someone actually Into my heart
Maybe they could count up all my horrible sins
Fix me right
Pull me back together
Tell me they love me and actually mean it this time
I see, In the near distance future
That will eventually get married
Will lift each other up
Higher each day
To bad I’m stupid and it’s all a delusion dream
These boys don’t love me
They love what I can offer them
Companionship when no one else is around
A body to fuck, to use and abuse
A dinner for 2 but I’m not eating, all I do is
feel stupid and low and out of character
I want to stop playing these boys games
Seems like it’s better to self isolate
To be alone
Done putting my heart up for sale
To be owned by none

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