Crashing landing on the crash mat
coming in like a scared cat
no room for bad introductions
sorry for the interruption
but can I simply fast forward to my discussion
5 minutes ago, nothing crazy I don't smoke
but here I am, awoke
from a third nap I didn't need
went to go outside to tend to laundry
when this distressing thought came to me
What if I ran away
no identity, no keys, no responsibility
no luggage, no problem
nothing on my back nor snacks
running full speed in the streets
while the wind attacks
running shoes stepping on the home of pebbles
hitting the asphalt, a rebel
floating like a butterfly
with salt air stinging like bees
traveling through this busy city with nowhere to go
maybe pass out on someone's back porch
maybe chill on the gas station curb
somewhere in the suburbs
get away, get away
but if I did, I'd be everything fake news love to say
if I did, I'd make people worry
I'd have to say sorry
I'd make things harder for my father
I'd scramble the crew and the jets
get on a watch, having people scared of what I do next
and I'd rather not go through it
I already feel like I'm taking up space
easily replaced
a lineage disgrace
Last thing I want to achieve
is make everything I hate a reality
Is something wrong with me
Please don't ask what that means
don't confirm my quandaries
please don't answer the inquiry
I know it's yes, I'm not feeling my best
trying to hold close everyone who wants to let go
feeling abandoned when I try to respond to the friends
who ignore and stay gone
I scream I'm here but they're nowhere near
yet when they need something from me
on top of my trusty steed
here I am, the hero of the hour
and then an hour later
I don't matter
Inferiority complex and obsessed with finding purpose
always feeling worthless while sober
I thought my teenage years were over
I'll be 26 in two months
distressed and depressed
needing new friends that don't simply live in my phone
wanting a home for my own
that doesn't feel like a hand me down
unearned and not mine
but if I give up my pride
everything will be fine
yet for my age, this was a class I never took
and this feeling always leaves me shook
It's Sunday again
when I feel the heaviest
when the clock in my chest ticks the loudest
when melancholy seems to find me
and my bed seems the most inviting
trying to coax me into never doing anything
And I listen cause my legs refuse to leave
with the week robbing me of sleep
all I know is to work and never eat
Maybe I'm just asleep
I always run in my dreams
with all my nightmares chasing me
Eh today, just don't mind me
Sundays bring out the worst in me
but before I leave
can I ask one thing
I don't expect an answer
maybe I'm crazy
but I pose this question
58 entries deep
Do you hate me?
Eh don't mind me
it was a monkey on my chest
but if the answer' s no
I don't ask for a text
Could you stay a little while
we don't have to talk
I don't know
Could I use your lap as a pillow
waste another Sunday
and pray it doesn't come for my...
Throat
© Crowthepoet