The pressure in my chest isn’t even coming from within me.
It's weighing on top of me.
Compelled with the feeling of being over exasperated.
I can't even sigh.

I'm afraid.
I feel smothered.

There are voices or vibrations of sounds around me.
Afraid & too shy to speak.
They're smooth blending sounds are almost like whispers.
The words are felt, not spoken.
Their presence is intimidating.

Suggestively telling me,
“This will be your last breath.”

Lead by faith my kindred spirit fearlessly absorbs the endless amount and array of colors shining off every aura surrounding me.

The haze of blended colors seem like they're the only memories of mine that got set on "loop”.
Defining & distinguishing the infinite and unconditional love that belongs to, Only me & mines.
....” My Kids.”...

Shades of blacks and greys are suddenly covering the colors in my mind.
Am I awake?
Am I desperately seeking the light in my darkest state of mind?

My silence is screaming into a dark abyss.
“Wake up Alice! Wake up!”

Nothing seems to be exerting from my chest cavity.

All everything that's unknown is sustained.

An even weight of adversity being submerged in bias & prejudice.

I'm so weak from crisis after crisis.
I continue to hope there's hope.
My strength, my faith and endurance has always come by the Grace of God. He'll never fail.

"I believe".

I can still lift his holy name up in spirit.
Every day is only but a moment in this purgatory we're living here on earth.

Every breath wasted.
Chasing after, whatever it is we'll never allow ourselves to let go of.

Struggling through this vicious cycle of battling spiritual warfare.
A tug of war between "who I am" & "who am I".

Effortlessly leaving me almost breathless.
Nearly in coma.
Delusions?
Hallucinations?
Flash backs?

Gasping to hyperventilate.
A state of panic.
I can't breathe.
I'm suffocating.

There's a fallen angel at slumber on top of me.
My back to the ground.
Face to face with the enemy.
Vulnerable.
Weak.

I'm falling into a deep sleep.
I don't want to be woken.
If this is my last my breath, I want to breathe into the souls of my children all of me that's wise & true.

I'm disoriented.
Everything is dark.
I'm becoming lethargic.

There's a light that will guide my soul into all that is good, loving, and kind.

“ I believe.”

I'm fading.
Close my eyes now.
Let me sleep.
Destined into an eternity of " calm".

Peaceful.
Innocent.
No judgement.

-Amy Jo Koontz-
















© Amy Jo Koontz