My Inner Child?
A youth with no chance for it to last,
Future seen through the thickest fog held at bay with tinted glass.
I remember it wasn't all bad, there were both good times and laughs,
But there weren't quite as many I'd blindly hoped I'd have.

Growing quickly, but weight of it stuntrd me intellectually,
Too young for intrusive thoughts that were confusing to me sexually,
Misunderstood by all adults and felt the care neglectfully,
Less of love, more the price to enter heaven's gates transactionally.

My ND brain kept me from coming to the conclusion,
That the people spouting kindness perpetuated my delusion,
That the world was nothing more than an unwanted intrusion.
And my innocence was lost, somewhere in the confusion.

I miss the magic of the holidays, the feelings it created,
Before I grew into alysm, like a flu, it made me jaded
Depression held me down as if my soul had become weighted,
And trauma making sure that it was me I really hated.

Eventually, the black in me, would lessen as I found,
I could balance all darkness with the masked face of a clown.
Defibrillation of stagnation, fighting to regain the crown,
Trying to not let the abuse keep me staked into the ground.


© The Moonlight Bard