When I awoke this morning...
For the first time I felt no pain
There was no heartache or stomach cramps
The nervousness had completely diminished or faded away
When I awoke this morning...
I stepped outside to my favorite lone tree in the field
I smiled as I rested my palm against the unforgiving bark
I could feel the veins and all the ridges
I could feel the softness of the moss
When I awoke this morning...
I.. looked at the sky and saw the clouds pass the sun with ease
I removed my socks and felt the grass tickle the spots in my foot that have been calloused for years
I laid in my front yard like a child
Making an invisible imprint forever in this spot
When I awoke this morning...
I saw my son, laying in his bed just dreaming of what's to come
His plate from last night's dinner resting on his computer desk
I saw my daughter, holding her only child telling him the bad news
I saw my grandson, with apple sauce smeared on his clothes, mutter one of the few words he knows
When I awoke this morning...
I saw what I could've been if I just held on
I saw the reflection in my mirror was perfect
No cracks or blemishes
A perfect face on a prefect man
I saw the bottles resting on my bathroom counter
Some tipped over like they were my last
Liquor and cigarettes litter my linoleum floor
My bed was made
My pillows were untouched
When I awoke this morning
I tried to fix my mistake
I tried to tell my babies I'm sorry
I tried to pull myself back up on my feet
I tried so hard to find or create a remedy
The vessel I never wanted was traded for the clarity I never had
Such clarity showed me the irony
Because only now do I want my vessel back
When I awoke this morning....
I stared at my life and..
I realized I would never fall asleep again
© Kasey Spotanski