All I ever wanted was to be happy & loved.

Never have felt wanted to be loved or worth anything.

As a child, my father turned a blind eye to abuse my stepmom inflicted on me.

Given the choice between me or her, he chose to throw me away.

A Mom who was never a mom who threw me away again and again.

When told how her bf sexually attacked me she called me a liar.

She chose to believe him over me and throw me away.

All I ever knew was abuse, especially by men.

Physical, Mental & Sexual abuse is all I ever knew.

So easy to be forgotten, hurt & thrown away.

Then I met a tall dark and handsome protector.

I thought he was my knight in shining armour.

After the worst imaginable pain of losing a child.

He made me feel safe and loved in my darkest times

I let myself be fooled by his broken promises & dark twisted love.

So naive and gullible to what love was supposed to be.

I let him sexually, Physically, and mentally hurt me for 11 years.

I craved love so much that I let myself believe and rationalize.

the good outweighed the bad deeds he did.

Stayed & loved him though many affairs bruises & mental scars.

till all felt was I was lost & alone.

Hoping & wanting him to change so bad I'd believe his false tongue.

Staying to be his punching bag and Maid, satisfying & Enduring his selfish sexual needs

Only ever wanting to one day be good enough for him to want only me.

Realizing I would never be good enough in his eyes

the abuse will never end until he kills me

He leaves me feel crazy, alone and lost

I have succumbed to the fact that maybe I'm never meant to feel happy or loved.

Destined to remain felling only worthless, unloveable, useless and a burden to those around me

I sit here broken hearted sad and crying lost in the darkness
© Cassie kellie
© Cassie keliie