-True love hates-


They said Love is a second option of life, some are measured by the root of success in life.

To love and to be loved is the greatest armour of success..
I'm azumi and I'm failed to love

As a person , for me love is just an option that can be choose by a strong person who can be success for there goals and Im such a failure of everything so I hated love

I've loved once but I never success in it.. I choose to listen the word of other people , I try to look my future by there words.. I've believe them... I treasure it until now still here in my mind running,

stopping my tears and still it's killing me until now I don't know how to scaped on it . How could I continue my life without doubting .my self that why they're so unfair..


Do I don't really deserve to be happy?
Do I even deserve to be loved..?

Being broken 💔 gave me a reason to be strong enough to carry all the problems everything give me a reason to fight enough .

I do everything just to satisfy myself that I'm a happiest person in the world.. I did Love myself, I fixed the parts who's broken I study how to handle everything in my own , but I never satisfied, I never feel that I'm happy...


I use to captured those moments when I'm alone, the darkest outside reminding me that I'm just alone. feel the hug of the surprise blown air listen to the heart beats of the whispering wind


I use to hate listening 🎧 music even I know in my life I'm not complete without music

I almost forgot everything about me
I also forgot that I'm still alive honestly I forgot how to be me.. how to be happy..

Standing in the window looking outside
Makes me says... I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.. if I stay here just a little bit longer.. if I stay here won't you listen to my heart ♥️

I'm dancing in darkest song of my heart..my eyes don't stop letting go my tears.. my heart want to be picies like no have reason to be beat..

Now tell me how I'm I suppose to be believe what's the real meaning of love..

There is more important than love...
No need to expect anything just do it from inside your heart , let it be the main reason why you are still fighting no matter what happens in the past..


A true happiness is when you let go someone fulfill his dreams...
You can't say you're in love seeing your someone having his hardest life because of you

No matter how hurts it is you'll going to accept and let it go... accept that there going to be happy even they're not with you..

Me as an in Love I'd choose him to let go .. I've choose to be hurt than to be happy i know I hurt him by choosing that decision he maybe hate me so much ... Actually not maybe he really angry and hate me now..


Seeing there' happy makes me the most happiest , there smile makes me crazy... Love is full of sacrifices

Sometimes I also want to stop and admit to myself that I've lost them... But I can't.., I can't change there smile into the saddest for having me...


Until now I'm still waiting for the time that there is someone who could sacrifice also his everything for me.

A man who will give up his everything to be with me.. a man who is willing to be with me no matter what it is..

I'm so surprised that , like I don't want even believe my self I'm I really so hard to be loved?? Do I'm so pathetic in this fucking world for me

So funny , I thought I will just find this word from the book I always wanted to read.. I can't imagine myself saying all of this word..

I'm just a human being anyways, I also dream to get married someday to the man that I always saying my night and shinning armor ☺️☺️

All of the sudden time so fast .. Its so fast I knew myself that I'm in love but what the hell is that it's so fast also for me to be a broken hearted 😜

As of now at my age I just continue dreaming life same as fantasy, same as everything had there happy ending.. but so sad to say also in my dream its just except me had no have a happy ending 😃

accepting things ,and situation is the best way of having a normal life .. no matter what situation it is.. just accept!! And try to be happy for what you are in the same time..

Although being brave and strong is not enough to compromise your self to live safe in this world it's enough for those people who is tired to accept that they don't have anything except there' self.. no body will care, no body will protect and carry there self when trouble comes..

As I experienced I've been let myself believe that loving others and having someone you love the most is the happiest that can be,.. but I was wrong..loving anyone can't give you a 100 percent happiness in your whole life, instead give you more trouble, gives more pain.. it will gives you more tiredness that make you loosen everything...

As of it... I've learned a lot.
I've known how to be brave enough for every test that God given me.. I knew how to say please and bow my head
I've known how to stop my tears and stop the fire in my chest ,put them together in my heart.. everything make me more smart.. more open up minded..


The most of all, I knew who really I am..
I've seen what I can be.. what's my weakness, what are those things that hurt me.. what's my strength.. and I've know myself enough

Hating myself for everything that happened in my life is the reason why I felt so suffocated..
I almost wanted to stop my heart bitting

I hate myself being so weak when it comes to love , when it's because of him I don't know what to do except panic and just cry

To be honest this hurt start when the person I loved the most died I'm surprised situation I can't believe

I hate God for letting him away from me...
I felt alone... I have no body left besides me


More time I ask my self why me!?
There's a lot of people in the world why God get my dad so fast.. I don't even experience how to be with him in special way as a daughter

To let him see the man I will love
If this man is suits for me...
Walking in the stage , making him to be proud as my father
Show him how I'm I going to be successful in every step i take for my future

I want to hear what he decides for my future, I want to feel how he care for me, I want to listen in his words
I want to feel how much he loves me..
I want him to see me...


My dream died when he die...
How could I forget how much I love you and it really hurt because you're gone...

Now your gone I don't know what's my dream about I forgot everything dad, I forget the happiness for being alive in this world

Dad I Love you so much... Help me to open my eyes dad please ... I Miss you so much, I'm so thirsty for your love.. protect me dad , hug me thighed please.........


I wish you still can here me dad
I was hoping that there's still a chance that I can still hear you're voice shouting on me for what I've done in my life...

I'm so scared to face my Future dad...
I'm so scared to be alone...

I used to watch the stars every night hoping that one of them is you who's watching me up above and giving me your shines to be a star

The wind blowing makes me feel it's you comforting me to the moment I almost give up everything
Here I am again watching the wall inside my room in the whole day
Asking myself what I have done wrong
Asking myself why did I fall in love with you, there's a lot of person who really love me More than you

Your like a sky , your gone so fast without saying goodbye
How many times I ask myself why did I chose to love you ?

Look at me now.. I'm so broken 💔
My only wish is so simple
Just try to look at me
See how much I love you
Just please stay with me
Just To please choose me

Is it really so hard to do?
The rain don't like to stop
I can't see sun
Is our love really gone?

We're saying goodbye
Because we think we are not meant to be I can't believe it ...
I don't even like to believe

We wipe the tears
My mind ,my heart is so tired
I can't feel anything
I don't have any strength
To stand up again

If we really Love each other
Why can't we settle everything
I don't know if I still need believe what love is...

Love is letting go for some one you love ... Love is to share... love is to accept and to give 🥺🥺

****End chapter 1****


© "azumi"