I was asked a question.
Do you want to be here?
I heard myself say, ‘yes. I belong here.’ But my insides were screaming a loud violent NO! If lying through your teeth earned one a million dollars I would have been a billionaire for that lie and for more that were birthed through it. I would have given anything to escape that room but I did not give anything. I, instead sat there in that chair that mysteriously gave me discomfort in its cushiness and feigned excitement. It was the most horrid position to be in, to keep down the urge to storm out in the same breathe searching for excitement hidden behind the depths of sorrow that had been woke permeating through my very being leaving no room for anything close to hope, gladness to peep through it. It would have been really nice for a lack of a better word to pretend and enjoy the act instead it dug me deeper inside the dark hole. I intermittently found myself in questioning of why I was doing what I was doing and having to allow something different to come out of my mouth from how I was actually feeling and needing to say. I was surely actively taking in hurt just to put a smile on others but what about me? Was I not worthy of a smile even if my teeth were not white as snow?