“Shawn, do you really have what it takes to die?”
Shawn looked over the edge of the fifteen story office building in Orion City. The late night traffic rushed through the streets in blurs of motion and light. As the wind howled through his shaggy brown hair, he quickly took a look over his shoulder at the being speaking to him. “Since when did you have a heart, Dark?”
The being stood behind him several feet back. It appeared to watch him calmly through dark red eyes, as its body shimmered in black substance. It was a shadow of energy that seemed to mirror Shawn’s appearance in every single way. It copied his 22 year old body down to the letter, with his baggy pants, punk rock band T-shirt, and even his dirty zip up hoodie that smelled like cat pee and a hint of taco sauce. Dark growled again at him in his deep and menacing voice. “Do you really think you have what it takes to die?”
Shawn looked back down to the traffic down below. It looked so peaceful from all the way up on the building’s ledge, and as he swung one foot over the side, he held onto the metal posts of a billboard that anchored him to the ideology of life in a physical and mental state. “Of course I do. This is what you’ve been wanting from me for years, isn’t it? Why shouldn’t I just do it already? There’s not a lot waiting for me back home.”
“Good.” Dark continued to urge him, as his eyes narrowed in pleasure. “Feed off the anger, Shawn. Live off it until you die from it. There’s nothing waiting for you on this planet anymore.”
Shawn gulped as he glanced over at the shimmering demon that blended into the night sky above them. Ever since he was a small child, Shawn had seen this demon that he called ‘Dark.’ Through all of the psychology appointments and therapy visits growing up, everyone diagnosed Shawn with major depressive disorder and a side order of schizophrenia. Dark was nothing more than a demon based off his own delusions and depressions surrounding his everyday life. Unfortunately for Shawn, he was also incredibly suicidal and acted on it several times. This wasn’t the first time he stood on the ledge of a building and looked over the edge for salvation. For freedom from the terrors of the outside world and everyone who lived in it.
What had brought him to this point, though? He thought to himself, as he balled his fists around the post.
He couldn’t think of a trigger this time. He had simply finished a long shift at work. The lumber yard had become a fast home to him over the past year as he started working there thanks to a buddy of his. It was a great job that paid well, and his body certainly had a love hate relationship with the physical exercise every single day. Nothing bad happened. Just your typical Tuesday.
What else is there?
Friends? No. Everyone he knew and cared about was doing great. Michelle and Jake were moving into a new apartment soon. His neighbor, Shelly, had finally got that job at the bakery that she had been talking about at the local book club lately. Even everyone on his social media presence seemed to be nothing short of perfect.
Family then, right? What about family?
Shawn was the third eldest child out of a family of seven kids. Most of his siblings lived scattered among the city, but all of them were busy leading successful and happy lives of their own. His youngest sister, Isabelle, had even engaged her girlfriend of three years last week. They had just started planning the party for this next Thursday and he had been very excited to attend it.
“Dark...why am I doing this?”
The being seemed physically disgruntled at the man’s question. “Why wouldn’t you do this, Shawn? This world is a horrible place filled with toxic poison and crime. Bad things happen every single day. Natural disasters. Disease. Destruction around every corner and in every city of the world. Death is the only escape from a prison like that. From a prison like life.”
He said the word as if it was a lemon on his tongue that caused his nerves to curl and sizzle away. Shawn took Dark’s words lightly. He was used to the being objectifying all of the negativity in life. It was his only job and he did it well. Doctors all over the country had tried helping Shawn as a youth get rid of the demon that only seemed to dwell inside of his mind. Medicine didn’t work. Therapy only made Dark angrier. Most things were just completely pointless and made the emotional pain that Dark always brought with him more and more vivid.
“Maybe...maybe we shouldn’t do this, Dark?” Shawn asked him, as he turned from the ledge. “This doesn’t seem like the best idea. Nothing’s wrong in my life. Everything seems to be great. How about we just go home and forget this ever happened, huh?”
Dark growled at him and stepped closer to Shawn. “Look at yourself. Always such a coward. Too scared to do what needs to be done. You’ve already made all of the preparations. What about all of the supplies that you’ve gathered?” He pointed a pitch black hand at a large paper bag that sat a few feet away from Shawn.
“I know I’ve got them, but it’s not too late to change.” Shawn muttered, as he faced his demon and stumbled over his words. “I-I don’t know. Maybe we can still get over this. Check back into a therapy group, even!”
“All of that is pointless, Shawn.” Dark told him. “Remember everything that has led you up to this moment your entire life. Every negative thing that has happened to you. All of your mistakes. Every sad and depressing thing that has occurred in your life up until this moment that’s weighed down on your soul. Think and dwell on it for a moment. You’ll find your reasoning.”
The wind howled more intensely and it ruffled Shawn’s hair as he thought about everything Dark had been talking about. Memories popped up all over his mind as he hyper focused on every mistake and misfortune that had ever happened in his life. Every break up. Every failure. Every embarrassment. Old things from a decade ago clashed with moments from this month, this week, and even today. All of it meshed together in a dark web that only made Dark’s body grow darker and darker. He grew ten feet tall and growled in pleasure as the night sky seemed to be absorbed into him. He gazed down upon Shawn with his dark red eyes. They became spotlights that shone down upon him.
His hands went slack as his depression began to take over.
“You’re right.” He muttered, in a voice that was void of emotion. Slowly, he turned toward the paper bag and began to walk over towards it. As he took his steps and bent down, he began to root through the items inside. One by one, he pulled out a large bottle of whiskey, a few bottles of pills, and a large hunting knife. The blade gleamed in the moonlight as Dark nodded. “Yes, yes. Very good, Shawn. Don’t stop now. Finish the job.”
Shawn did as he was told, as he brought all of the things over to the ledge of the building. As he took a seat and swung his legs over the side, he opened the cork on the bottle and slowly began to sip at it. He gagged with every drink. Alcohol had never been his favorite thing, but he knew that mixing it with medication wasn’t exactly a physically safe thing to do. He drank for what seemed like an hour until his body began to feel the numbing affects. Setting it down, he shook the bottles of pills around in his hands. “Well, Dark, there’s no turning back from this.” He hiccuped. “Are...are you sure?”
Dark seemed to purr in silent agreement.
Shawn shrugged. “Okay.”
He looked down at the labels. “Painkillers. Aspirin. Nothing here was too powerful, but it’s strong enough to make me horribly sick and nauseous. When mixed with the alcohol, it could create an entirely different story, though.”
He knew from experience and experimentation in his past. This would mark the 24th time he tried committing suicide by consuming substances. He had never once mixed with alcohol or attempted a plan to this degree, and the thought of never having to attempt this ever again made him slightly...satisfied.
He popped off the lids and began taking handfuls of the medication. Gulp by gulp, he forced down all of the pills and tablets. After coughing up a few of them, and vomiting slightly, his stomach began to burn and churn with vigorous displeasure.
“Don’t forget the last step.” Dark reminded him.
“Right...right.” Shawn muttered, as he spit up more bile. “The part that makes this fool proof. Gotcha.”
Shakily and unsteadily, he picked up the knife and stood to his feet. He knew that he could easily just fall over the side of the building and hope to land on his head and die. However, he had attempted jumping from heights like this before. It always ended in broken bones and internal bleeding, but he was never lucky enough to kill himself from it. As he unzipped his hoodie, he slowly removed it and let it fall to the ground. His left arm lay covered in layers and layers of scars and stitch marks. Slashes and stabs and cuts covered it entirely. He normally did a good job at hiding them with sleeves and baggy hoodies, but some people did know of their existence. As he pulled a piece of cardboard from the bottom of the bag, he stuck it between his teeth and bit down hard.
He dragged the knife against his skin, directly over his bulging veins. At first it was slow, but steadily he began to apply pressure until the pain of the blade took over. He didn’t feel it nearly as awfully as he would’ve, though thanks to the alcohol and medication flowing through his body. The 12 inch blade made it a third of the way in before the blood really began to pour down the steel and drip down his arm. He made a small horizontal cut and pulled out; satisfied at his work.
“Good, Shawn. Very good.” Dark said, as his body began to shrink back down to normal height. “Finally, it looks like you’ll be free of this horrible world. Close your eyes and relax. I promise that everything will be over very soon.”
“Soon…” He muttered, as he closed his eyes. He began to step back where his brain told him the ledge of the building was. The pavement down below appeared to be very welcoming, but just as he let his body settle back, he felt something pull him forward.
He was thrown to the ground. He dizzily took a glance upward and met eyes with a man. He had tousled black hair and large brown eyes that were strewn with tears and worry. The man looked over his entire body before grabbing Shawn by the hood. He pulled him upward and began heimlicking him until Shawn threw up. Entire pills and alcohol flooded the ground until finally Shawn’s senses began to crawl back to him. His throat burned. His wrist was on fire. Even his stomach was doing somersaults.
Dark glowered from the sidelines as he hovered over the ledge of the building. “Of course, somebody had to come and ruin the party. I’ll be back, Shawn. Let me know when you think you can actually do something right next time, okay?”
His dark body flickered in a static of light before disappearing into the night sky.
Shawn gagged and sputtered as the figure hugged him and held him close. “I can’t believe how close you got this time. What the hell do you expect would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten here in time?”
Shawn looked over at the man who was leaking tears down onto his shoulder. “Calm down, Jake. I’m obviously safe now, so you can stop squeezing so hard.”
His best friend, Jake Wilder, gave Shawn a bewildered look. “You expect me to just be calm right now?”
“We both know this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to kill myself.” Shawn said, through a shaky open toothed grin. “Probably won’t be the last, either.”
Jake growled at his friend before grabbing a roll of duct tape from his utility belt. “Let me see your arm.”
He pulled a piece of fabric from his belt and duct taped it around the gaping wound. Shawn looked at it lazily as the two sat down. “Did you just get off work, buddy?”
“Yes.” He muttered back, as he finished his handiwork. “No thanks to you leaving early on us today in the middle of a shipment.”
“My bad. I had plans.” Shawn told him, through a voided state of emotionless words.
“I can see that.” Jake muttered, as he sat Shawn down onto the ground. “I see the empty bottle and the pills. Whiskey, right? Don’t tell me that’s the same stuff I bought you a few months ago when you first got promoted at work?”
“Sorry...it’s the same bottle.” Shawn told him.
Jake shook his head as he wiped his eyes. “I covered for your ass today at work, but I can’t promise that you won’t get yelled at next time Mr. Burton sees you.”
“Whenever that’ll be.” Shawn muttered, as his eyelids drooped slightly. His body felt weak and tired, and Jake walked over and shook him awake.
“Don’t go passing out on me just yet. I have some questions for you. I’ve already texted your family. I also had to cancel dinner plans with Kayla tonight, thanks to your little stunt.”
“Tell your girlfriend I said hi.” Shawn told him, as he looked up lazily at his friend. “Come on, man. You gotta tell me how you found me this time. I thought I had all of my tracks covered.”
“You left your social media account running.” Jake told him. “You know I have your phone chipped for situations like this.”
Shawn shivered from blood loss and Jake took off his coat and draped it around his friend’s shoulders. “I’ll keep that in mind for the next time, then.”
“There isn’t going to be a next time.” Jake told him, as he picked up his phone and dialed a number. He stood for a few moments until a voice on the other line buzzed in his ear. “O’ Brien Offices.” Jake said into the receiver. “We’re on the rooftop. My friend has had an accident and is bleeding. I believe he’s also been poisoned. Please send somebody down here as soon as possible.”
Before the voice on the other line could ask anymore questions, Jake hung up the phone and sighed before sitting down next to Shawn on the roof. “Ambulance should be here soon.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.” Shawn told him, as he wiped his face and found blood leaking from his nostrils. “Okay...nevermind.”
“Yeah.” Jake said.
The two men sat in silence for several long moments. Shawn and Jake had been best friends for just under a year. The two had met as roommates when Shawn found an apartment that he couldn’t afford. After putting out an ad on social media, Jake quickly answered the banner and the two hit it off right away. Not only did they do many things together but they were also coworkers at the same lumber mill on the edge of town. Jake was in maintenance while Shawn worked as a forklift operator in the receiving department. They made good money there together, and both enjoyed their jobs. After work, when Jake wasn’t with his girlfriend, the two would spend countless nights playing video games, eating strange food concoctions in their kitchen, or having deep discussions over games of poker and cards. A lot of times...they talked about Dark. Jake knew everything about the demon.
“Where is he?” Jake asked, his voice hushed and deepened.
“He disappeared when you showed up.” Shawn told him. “He doesn’t like you. Not in the slightest.”
“Why’s that?” Jake asked.
“It’s because you make me happy.” Shawn told his friend. “You tend to keep the bad times away...If i have to be honest about it.”
Jake smiled but his face quickly tightened. “You do realize that you’ll need an excuse to get out of work for a few weeks, right?”
“Yep.” Shawn muttered. “Once the ambulance gets here, my next visit at the psych hospital will already begin planning. I’ll probably be shipped off by midnight if I’m lucky.”
Jake let out a low sigh. His friend was a handful with all of the different mental issues he contained. His last episode hadn’t been nearly as bad as this. It was a few months ago, when he found Shawn trying to hang himself on one of their closet doors with a coat hanger and a battered tie. It was the first time he had heard about Dark and Shawn’s serious depression issues. He knew that Shawn was going to be sent away again.
“My share of rent is in my top sock drawer.” Shawn told him, as they listened to the sirens of the ambulance in the distance.
“Buddy, you know I don’t care about that right now.” Jake told him. “I just want to make sure you’re going to get better this time. I need you to figure this out and resolve some stuff before you come home. It’s worrying and stressful to have a best friend trying to off himself all the time.”
Shawn’s emotions suddenly began to return, as his body warmed and his nerves awakened. A single tear fell down his face and dropped down onto the roof of the building. He looked over at his friend, as the sounds of a police door opening echoed off the buildings from down below. The cops were starting to make their way into the office complex. They would be on the roof in minutes.
“I’m so sorry, Jake.” Shawn told his friend. “I wish I could control him...he’s too strong sometimes. He just comes whenever he wants to. I don’t really want to die like this…”
Jake clapped his friend on the back and squeezed his shoulder. “I know, man.”
They sat and waited until the cops and paramedics showed up on the roof of the building. They ran amok and scattered around the area as the two men were asked to stand up. Both of them were searched and barraged with questions. Shawn told them immediately what he had done, and even showed them where all the evidence lay. As Jake watched his friend be led off the building, he walked alongside him until the cops led him to the doors of the ambulance. Shawn looked over his shoulder and into his friend's eyes as he gave him a small wave. “Thank you, Jake.”
“Just come back in one piece, okay?” His friend told him, as the doors of the ambulance were closed.
Shawn laid back on a white cot as they took his blood pressure and gave him some medication to counter the drugs and alcohol in his system. As he began to feel numb again, his mind hazed and his body loosened.
You just ruined so much of your life again, you know.
“I didn’t want to tell Jake…” Shawn began, as his head started to pound in pain. “I think I need to file that form after all. It’s my last chance to stop hurting myself like this...and maybe my friends and family can move on happily once It’s done and over with.”
Shawn looked up and met Dark’s red, burning eyes, as the silhouette of the demon hovered over his body inside of the vehicle. Dark looked down on him with cold judgement, and it only made Shawn sink deeper and deeper into depression, as the ambulance took him off to the hospital.
Later that night, just as he had predicted, he was sent away to Orbital Psychiatric Hospital for his 15th visit in the past ten years.




© Stoneink