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The Unexpected Gift
I fell in love with a man twice my age. Maybe it was the way he composed himself when he walks and talks or the way he only breaks character when something catches him off guard, either way, I fell in love.
I guess I can say I fell in love at first sight but soon the attraction churned my gut as his poker face broke my defenses.
I was offended.
We then had our second run in the very same day . This time our eyes locked as I greeted him and he in turn greeted me. I was having a terrible realization of what seemed like an endless stream of bad luck and just torture on my first week of a new job. A job that required working alongside people whose life perspectives were limited to culture, I mean no offense for I too am from a very cultural background. However, a workplace in the particular field I was in, was and is no place to bring in classifications, which I found extremely out of place in modern civilization. It’s unethical and inhumane.
As multiple thoughts rushed in all at once, I looked towards his back turned towards me and thought, “At least I get to admire this beautiful man before me”, and so began our daily routine of just being in each other’s presence. Somehow the world was turning in favor of this meeting and I found myself just at peace during my days on, for I know he will be there.
Fast forward, two months into my new job my studies was beginning to take a toll on my mental health, that paired with the toxic work environment, I figured enough was enough. I left.
Although I spent every break in silence next to this man, not once had we shared a conversation as I had with strangers in clouds of cigarette smoke four times a week. We just sat there in peace and silence as I calm the storms of my daily life.
I love Him.
With every fiber of my being I loved him. Had I only realized much sooner, the hold this man would have in my life a couple months later.
I completed my course and figured it wasn’t for me and I learned something important. Regardless of how great an environment is, there will always be rotten apples and even though I’ve heard of stories, my first taste of a world of independence was dealing with what the world had, people from all walks of life and completely different approaches and views to life.
A friend had contacted me during the last few weeks of my studies and offered me a job, similar to my first job and it was the exact company I had work for except this time, I work for a sub contractor to the company. They paid well but I forgot one thing. The man who became a piece of what I referred to as my past circumstances now is in full circle. He was here.
Although, I jumped right back into the den of lions I narrowedly escaped with my sanity intact, It came natural and I’ve adjusted well with good friends alongside work.
He was always there.
He came in time, as he always does and it was then, I began to notice his presence even more so much that my conversation with friends, I made sure he was included, as a listener. This little habit of mine was soon followed by the feeling of being watched.
I caught his attention.
His eyes drew me into his. I could feel him, every single time our eyes met, he made sure I was locked in the moment I gaze upon him.
They say “the eyes are the window to the soul”, and this man made me experience that very saying. I felt him. It was as if I was meeting my lover after a long day and it was a feeling of safety and security. Unlike a previous connection, of what I had assume that submitting to dominance was an act of love however this man’s gaze did not force me into submission, but rather made me feel out of faith and trust to submit and I savored every second of it. Our short interactions lit up an entire arc to my life that I had completely neglected in the past. And now, I shed tears, I lose sleep and find comfort in his energy lingering around me.
I see what he sees.
I can only identify the intensity of our interaction, a form of communication that is unspoken and felt. A love language of being present.
He was an unexpected gift in times of trouble and I’m forever grateful to have met him.
© river_who
I guess I can say I fell in love at first sight but soon the attraction churned my gut as his poker face broke my defenses.
I was offended.
We then had our second run in the very same day . This time our eyes locked as I greeted him and he in turn greeted me. I was having a terrible realization of what seemed like an endless stream of bad luck and just torture on my first week of a new job. A job that required working alongside people whose life perspectives were limited to culture, I mean no offense for I too am from a very cultural background. However, a workplace in the particular field I was in, was and is no place to bring in classifications, which I found extremely out of place in modern civilization. It’s unethical and inhumane.
As multiple thoughts rushed in all at once, I looked towards his back turned towards me and thought, “At least I get to admire this beautiful man before me”, and so began our daily routine of just being in each other’s presence. Somehow the world was turning in favor of this meeting and I found myself just at peace during my days on, for I know he will be there.
Fast forward, two months into my new job my studies was beginning to take a toll on my mental health, that paired with the toxic work environment, I figured enough was enough. I left.
Although I spent every break in silence next to this man, not once had we shared a conversation as I had with strangers in clouds of cigarette smoke four times a week. We just sat there in peace and silence as I calm the storms of my daily life.
I love Him.
With every fiber of my being I loved him. Had I only realized much sooner, the hold this man would have in my life a couple months later.
I completed my course and figured it wasn’t for me and I learned something important. Regardless of how great an environment is, there will always be rotten apples and even though I’ve heard of stories, my first taste of a world of independence was dealing with what the world had, people from all walks of life and completely different approaches and views to life.
A friend had contacted me during the last few weeks of my studies and offered me a job, similar to my first job and it was the exact company I had work for except this time, I work for a sub contractor to the company. They paid well but I forgot one thing. The man who became a piece of what I referred to as my past circumstances now is in full circle. He was here.
Although, I jumped right back into the den of lions I narrowedly escaped with my sanity intact, It came natural and I’ve adjusted well with good friends alongside work.
He was always there.
He came in time, as he always does and it was then, I began to notice his presence even more so much that my conversation with friends, I made sure he was included, as a listener. This little habit of mine was soon followed by the feeling of being watched.
I caught his attention.
His eyes drew me into his. I could feel him, every single time our eyes met, he made sure I was locked in the moment I gaze upon him.
They say “the eyes are the window to the soul”, and this man made me experience that very saying. I felt him. It was as if I was meeting my lover after a long day and it was a feeling of safety and security. Unlike a previous connection, of what I had assume that submitting to dominance was an act of love however this man’s gaze did not force me into submission, but rather made me feel out of faith and trust to submit and I savored every second of it. Our short interactions lit up an entire arc to my life that I had completely neglected in the past. And now, I shed tears, I lose sleep and find comfort in his energy lingering around me.
I see what he sees.
I can only identify the intensity of our interaction, a form of communication that is unspoken and felt. A love language of being present.
He was an unexpected gift in times of trouble and I’m forever grateful to have met him.
© river_who
