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Straight Talk About Suicide
As my quote says, being suicidal and thinking rationally are mutually exclusive. If you're suicidal you really can't think rationally. If you can think rationally you aren't really suicidal. Of course, that's just my experience based on three full blown suicide attempts and a number of lesser attempts, plus other times of feeling suicidal.
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Please don't ever say this to someone who is suicidal. That guilt, that shame, that feeling like there's truly something very wrong with me and I'm right to kill my worthless self is likely to push them to try.
Believe it or not, to the suicidal person committing suicide IS rational and logical. Like I said, being suicidal and thinking rationally are mutually exclusive. To that person, the world would be better off without having a worthless piece of human garbage, an utter failure like them, to be a drain on society. I felt it would be less cruel to my family to grieve my loss knowing I wasn't in pain any more than to have to watch me be in agony day after day. Of course I meant mental and emotional agony.
You can't "think yourself happy" out of depression let alone suicide. "But you have so much going for you." BS. I'm an utter failure, a piece of crap. "Think of what it will do to your family." Thanks, like I needed to feel even worse about myself. I must really be broken.
So what can you do for a friend or loved one who is suicidal or getting there? First, just love them, be there for them, listen to them without judgement, comment, or advice other than "I know this must be tough for you." Ask them to consider getting professional help but tell them they have nothing to lose by trying. That kind of thinking saved me more than once. Sure, why not, if it doesn't work I can still kill myself.
Suicide notes? That depends on the person. Some people who leave a note were ploying for sympathy sure, but still there was something behind it. Some people leave a suicide note for their own reasons. My nephew did. Some don't leave a note. I left exactly one suicide note but I decided not to try to kill myself so I deleted it from my PDA.
Suicidal ideation is an abnormal state. The blessing is that once you're no longer suicidal it seems like it was someone else who wanted to kill themself. That's my experience anyway. I remember swallowing a whole month's supply of bipolar medicine but these days I can't really relate to that feeling. What I mean by that is I don't feel that these days. Again, it's like someone else did it.
Your friend or loved one isn't crazy, they're just hurting mentally and emotionally. Take them to the ER. They'll do a psychological evaluation (psych eval) on them to assess their situation. Then they'll admit, not commit, them to a local hospital. That's right, one of the hospitals in your area has a psych unit (please, not a psych ward. not a looney bin).
Once there they'll be struck by how normal the other patients seem. That's because they are normal, they're just having mental health issues right now. You'd expect to talk to them in line at Walmart. Expect them to be high functioning. There are typically other hospitals or floors for those who aren't.
Don't believe what you see on TV and in the movies. "If you're not dressed for breakfast you don't get breakfast." Nightclothes are strictly for in your room when you're sleeping. Can't sleep in the middle of the night? You get dressed and THEN you can leave your room.
You typically have three groups during the week, two before lunch and one after. On the weekends you have two groups. Right after breakfast you have group check-in, where you say your name, how you're feeling, and one goal you want to accomplish that day. Night check-in is the same except you say what your goal was and whether or not you met it.
Groups vary each day but typically involve learning coping skills. The goal is to get you out of the hospital and back home to your normal life and routine. They only like to keep you 7 to 10 days on average. The longest I was ever in the hospital was 2 and a half weeks, and that was because I had ECT (electroconvulsive therapy, please don't call it shock treatment).
ECT is nothing to fear either. They put electrodes on your head (they don't shave you), the anesthesiologist administers the anestjesia and a muscke relaxer, and you go to sleep. When you wake up you'll probably ask your doctor the first time "when are you going to do it?" After that they just tell you that you had a good seizure.
Yes, seizure. But but not like an epileptic seizure, and you can safely ignore the warnings on games that some people may have seizures playing them. ECT is more of a last resort, when nothing else seems to work.
Visiting hours are every day, although not right now obviously. Most hospitals let you have two visitors at a time.
I know this isn't strictly about suicide but I wanted to put your fears at ease. Being in the hospital is the best first step for someone who is suicidal. If you handle the situation with love and compassion, you can literally save their life.
© Mike Gurak
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Please don't ever say this to someone who is suicidal. That guilt, that shame, that feeling like there's truly something very wrong with me and I'm right to kill my worthless self is likely to push them to try.
Believe it or not, to the suicidal person committing suicide IS rational and logical. Like I said, being suicidal and thinking rationally are mutually exclusive. To that person, the world would be better off without having a worthless piece of human garbage, an utter failure like them, to be a drain on society. I felt it would be less cruel to my family to grieve my loss knowing I wasn't in pain any more than to have to watch me be in agony day after day. Of course I meant mental and emotional agony.
You can't "think yourself happy" out of depression let alone suicide. "But you have so much going for you." BS. I'm an utter failure, a piece of crap. "Think of what it will do to your family." Thanks, like I needed to feel even worse about myself. I must really be broken.
So what can you do for a friend or loved one who is suicidal or getting there? First, just love them, be there for them, listen to them without judgement, comment, or advice other than "I know this must be tough for you." Ask them to consider getting professional help but tell them they have nothing to lose by trying. That kind of thinking saved me more than once. Sure, why not, if it doesn't work I can still kill myself.
Suicide notes? That depends on the person. Some people who leave a note were ploying for sympathy sure, but still there was something behind it. Some people leave a suicide note for their own reasons. My nephew did. Some don't leave a note. I left exactly one suicide note but I decided not to try to kill myself so I deleted it from my PDA.
Suicidal ideation is an abnormal state. The blessing is that once you're no longer suicidal it seems like it was someone else who wanted to kill themself. That's my experience anyway. I remember swallowing a whole month's supply of bipolar medicine but these days I can't really relate to that feeling. What I mean by that is I don't feel that these days. Again, it's like someone else did it.
Your friend or loved one isn't crazy, they're just hurting mentally and emotionally. Take them to the ER. They'll do a psychological evaluation (psych eval) on them to assess their situation. Then they'll admit, not commit, them to a local hospital. That's right, one of the hospitals in your area has a psych unit (please, not a psych ward. not a looney bin).
Once there they'll be struck by how normal the other patients seem. That's because they are normal, they're just having mental health issues right now. You'd expect to talk to them in line at Walmart. Expect them to be high functioning. There are typically other hospitals or floors for those who aren't.
Don't believe what you see on TV and in the movies. "If you're not dressed for breakfast you don't get breakfast." Nightclothes are strictly for in your room when you're sleeping. Can't sleep in the middle of the night? You get dressed and THEN you can leave your room.
You typically have three groups during the week, two before lunch and one after. On the weekends you have two groups. Right after breakfast you have group check-in, where you say your name, how you're feeling, and one goal you want to accomplish that day. Night check-in is the same except you say what your goal was and whether or not you met it.
Groups vary each day but typically involve learning coping skills. The goal is to get you out of the hospital and back home to your normal life and routine. They only like to keep you 7 to 10 days on average. The longest I was ever in the hospital was 2 and a half weeks, and that was because I had ECT (electroconvulsive therapy, please don't call it shock treatment).
ECT is nothing to fear either. They put electrodes on your head (they don't shave you), the anesthesiologist administers the anestjesia and a muscke relaxer, and you go to sleep. When you wake up you'll probably ask your doctor the first time "when are you going to do it?" After that they just tell you that you had a good seizure.
Yes, seizure. But but not like an epileptic seizure, and you can safely ignore the warnings on games that some people may have seizures playing them. ECT is more of a last resort, when nothing else seems to work.
Visiting hours are every day, although not right now obviously. Most hospitals let you have two visitors at a time.
I know this isn't strictly about suicide but I wanted to put your fears at ease. Being in the hospital is the best first step for someone who is suicidal. If you handle the situation with love and compassion, you can literally save their life.
© Mike Gurak
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