Imagine a sailing ship when it sinks? Then imagine if theres not enough life jacket? Then imagine if you cant swim? It's a matter of life and death. You either choose to jump and try to swim to shores or the ship will sink and you will too.
I have experience that but in reality of my lifes journey. One problem too many with noone but yourself. I have just got dumped from a 3 years relationship, moved back home, start a new chapter in life, jobs application decline, my health was interfere, mom had her first strike of stroke and a daily dose of just no hope at all. Some days are good and some bad. Even try to apply the bible teaching and go to church.. That was worst.
My brain frozed as I try to take it all in. I wonder how and why, my life get to this point. Wasn't my failure relationship enough to hurt me? I asked. What happen to, move on and start a new life, or don't worry your conna be fine and so... I try to start our fresh and new, but I'll tell you this there is no starting fresh and new at all. Believe me when I say it's a sinking boat because you gotta learn how to swim either way your conna sink too. I kept on cursing my life.
I've moved back home, for a few weeks after spending as much time with my mom I started applying for a job. Travel and tourism was my chosen field so I was applying for hotels, front office receptions. A month gone by noone has ever call for an interview. I started questioning myself whether I make the right decision by moving back home. I'm on my last dolla of my pocket money, and still no job. My family also needed my help to contribute in small amenities.
On Tuesday the same week I felt really sick out of blue blue, I was hot and cold at the same time, I couldn't eat, I kept on vomiting. I was rush to the hospital and only to find out I have a problem with my heart, something was leaking a valve so I was admitted for a week. But I was healthy, I was just relaxing, I was just waiting for a good samaritan to offer me a job at least, I was just trying to start a new chapter of my life. This couldn't be true. But it was. Not right now.
A week after I was discharge from the hospital. My mom had a stroke. She was doing her daily chores when all of the sudden she fell to the ground. Took her to the hospital, hooked up her iv and medication. She was 68 at the time. I was with her during her hospital admission. It was just a week ago that I was in bed while she was right to me now its reserve. I was devastated. I remember seeing my mums falling asleep to a dose of strong burfen I started crying. I just didnt understand.
As I cover my mouth with a flannel at hide my ugly facial as tears were flowing like a river flow but in silent. I wanted to scream and shout and blame the world for making me feel hopeless. I slightly recall how painful I felt when my relationship failed. It's all coming back now and again. My heart was just full speed beating so I had to try and stop or my mom will wake up to finding me next to her with iv as well.
4days later mom was discharged on a Saturday. Then on Sunday I decided to go to church. Not because I want to but because to see if things could be a little better maybe. I walked in to all eyes on me. I thought maybe because they havent seen me for decades or maybe my lipstick is off the line, or maybe what I was wearing was either nice or didnt look nice. BUT NO. I hated that I went to church that Sunday. As I was sitting down I could hear from a distance the "That's the daughter that's just moved bad cause her partner left her", "Shes not even pretty", "I heard she smokes and drinks".....
Just when the Pastor stood up to start the service, I got up and went home. I was frustrated, sad, mad, and angry.
I hate the world. I hate my life and I hate everything that I see. I hated myself the most. I hated how I couldn't make...