​Life this way was new to me . I was the slightly ignored middle girl from a family of three girls, each born one year away from the other. Now I walked the lime lights and my family suddenly poured their attention on my well being.

It all started with me participating in a causal college fashion walk with a handmade dress, winning it, going to inter college and then one after the other, led me to be the runner up of the country's beauty contest. Even then my family was okay and not concerned. My father had smiled at the trophy and said, "Looks good. " They were busy with my elder sister's wedding. Bina asked my mother, "Mummy did you change your name during marriage or later " and the topic changed.

It was a development from the usual .. "Bina was always the intelligent one. Bishara was the athletic one.." They would forget they had one between Bina and Bishara and it was me Mrigaya. There was a time I wondered if I was adopted. My sisters were slightly plump and medium height, extremely fair. I was very tall, slender, dusky with slanted eyes.

It took me to win the Miss World title to understand that the world considered me beautiful. My family was suddenly speaking about how much they loved me. At that time their last call on my phone was a week away, in a convenient weekend lunch time. Ofcourse mother messaged regularly. But I did not complain. I lapped it up.

The more my mother insisted on travelling with me to all my shows, the more I said why not, please come. I did not remind that she had put me in a local bus at 5 years of age while my sisters had school bus. No explanation was ever given. I did want to hear a sorry when I was younger but it made little now. She was elated with the travel to escape her middle standard kitchen. She even cooked me lovely healthy food.

To be fair, mother possibly was still the only person who cared for me. My sisters ignored me and my father did not even remember me most days. They never accepted it but I believe they really wanted a son and the fact that I looked so much like my uncle who died, made it difficult for everyone.

Never ignored, never pampered, never recognised, never neglected, now there are many who would call me a cry baby. But it you come in Diwali and suddenly realise everyone has dressed but you have not had anything. The your mother and father comes up with a formal smile and gives you money to buy a dress or two and the shoes. You are ten, who would take you there. So you keep the money, and hope and you wish someone will take you there. That was my childhood from the time I could remember.

I even went to a different school . One summer morning I suddenly figured out her date of birth certificate will indicate something. The family had gone to an aunt's house. I pretended to be feverish, and mother gave her medicines, wrote down the number and the family left.

I had turned my mother's cabinet to find the list of birth certificates. There it was in her name.. A simple black and white , born to my parents. It was a different thing that I caught fever after that. My mother took care, my sisters were okay too, kind and gentle. Her father however whispered near her head, 'How could she be born. We did do everything for the baby to be aborted. Yet she was born. "

Her mother supported him with soft words that her own feverish mind could not catch. Her father continued..

"Everytime I look at her , I remember bringing you all those medicines and you bleeding . Yet she was born perfect. If she had looked like your family, unfortunately, she looked like my brother even at birth."



May be that was the only time I had cried .. but as I was in fever no one guessed why.

I came back, quieter , more content in herself. I whispered to myself and said .." I have God with me and hence I survived."

Moving on to the current time, she saw her mother wear a pair of lovely ear rings. She was speaking to Bina.. on the phone, "Wait for a while. I will tell her soon. She will help. You know how mature she is though she is younger than you. Yes.. she has money but it is hers right ? What ! Bina ! No. Absolutely no. My ear rings were gifted by her. I can not absolutely give them to you for your mother in law. And .. stop disturbing me please. You can have a word with your father.. Yes call me names, I have loved you all more than mine. I was sixteen not twenty five like you. But now my daughter requires my support now. You all got all the support all these years. " She paused.

"My leg bled. She stayed safe in my tummy." She said to herself .

Suddenly I remembered what had triggered the fever. The mother of my sisters had not been my mother. It was my aunt who died in childbirth. Her mother was not married when she was born. She found the marriage certificate dated at two years of her age.

Slowly I opened the door and mother looked up,"What happened Mrigaya ? Did you wake up ? Did you hear something ?"

I laughed and said , "Ma let's do out for a shopping." Her face shone with joy, " I have some little money saved since long, I will buy you something."

I nodded eagerly. Feeling the five year old alone on the bus, the ten year old with the money.. But memories can be made.

Hand in hand, we moved out. This is all so new to me. Possibly all so new to ma too.
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