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It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages”
Marriage, is not something you have to oppose in life. If you find someone who is worth sharing your life for the rest of your life, then go for it.
It is very rare that people talk about the mental health of men! For all we know is that most of the time they are blamed for our lack of understanding and gender difference on cultural basis.
But, men arn't really that bad. It is us that push them too hard without giving them a chance.
Men only refuse to grow up sometimes. For them, everything in life is naturally simple. They are born with an ease of mind. They are brought up with natural freedom and stress-free lifestyle.
“Have a wedding” no problem, PANTS! “Got a job” no problem, PANTS! “Going to a party” no problem, PANTS! “Funeral” no problem PANTS! “Temple” no problem PANTS! “Beach” no problem short PANTS!
Since birth they experience the ultimate freedom of life. They are allowed to go anywhere at any time of the day. School trips, field trips, road trips, trips to the outer space, no problem come home and Mom will cook dinner no matter what. They are allowed to sleep 12 plus hours a day and that doesn't seem to bother anyone at all.
For us ladies, it’s different. Because there was news of a girl being kidnapped in Afghanistan so you can’t go out today or for the rest of your life "until you get married" and have your own husband to take the blame.
“What if I learn karate?” Still no because you can’t go to karate class alone you’ll be kidnapped on your way home before you learn anything. So we stay home all excited, “can’t wait to get married and be free”
Boys live a different life and we girls live a different life until we are ready for marriage or a relationship.
But, nothing changes after marriage. Getting into a relationship will not change the long-lived habits of life.
After living a good 25 years of freedom, doing whatever they want and never even getting the feeling of being tied down, naturally they tend to fly away. You cannot tie them down. The more you try to control the being the more they scare away because it is something new to their lifestyle.
Us women, “can’t wait to get married to be free”, try to marry the first man that we start a relationship with and on the second day of the meeting we have already decided the names of our twins. So now since we already have names of our kids and dogs figured out, we try to push them in to marring us immediately for security reasons.
It is natural for us to feel that “if he runs away with another woman while I’m planning my wedding my life is over!”
No, it’s not. And he will only run away if you push him to the limits of giving up his freedom and being forced to live a life that is uneasy for him.
Men are not our rescuers. They cannot give us freedom from our own imagined prisons. It is only an excuse our parents gave us so that we behave until we get a good husband. When a fully grown male sapiens matures and needs a female to mate, they don’t tend to think of marriage at first. Because they already have a good and easy life with freedom everywhere. The thought of being tied down scares them away. They no longer feel free.
There comes a time for a man to need a relationship. Or to find someone to share life with. At this point, of course, he only thinks of physical touch and sharing life. Also good looks make them shake a bit it’s only natural. Take it as a part of their exploration process and wait until they find out that all women have the same physicality but all women don’t have the same brains.
If you want your man to stay, if you think you can share life with this man, then build your man!
Help him see the world as it is. Be by his side when he falls. Forgive his small mistakes and try to give him his space to figure out that they are mistakes. They are exploring life just as we are. There is no ready-made perfect boyfriend to be bought from a super market. They all have either lost in life, broken or won in life and figuring out what’s next. Build your man. Be his strength. Be his peace so that he feels to come home when he needs peace, not run to the bar.
Let him wear his pants with dignity. Don’t try to take away his manhood by pulling his pants infront of the worl, and trying to lock him down from the life he has lived all this time. Don’t let him down in front of his friends and family. Instead speak up for him, praise him and admire him. Save the scolding or correcting to be done when you two are by just yourself.
Giving him his peace and freedom, befriend him and get to know his desires, goals, life plans, and curiosities and his favorite superhero. That’s where the magic happens. Help him with his plans without expecting to share the profit. Feed his curiosities and desires and make him see there is no difference. Be his favorite superhero by being his mental peace.
By the time you both know each other so well, the ups and downs you had to go through to come to this phase and how you never gave up on each other, there comes a time where you no longer care about the looks of each other. There comes the time that he wants to make up for ignoring your calls. There comes the time when he feels grateful for you for not leaving him for his stupid mistakes. And there comes the time where he realizes that you won’t try to change him nor touch his peace but be his strength and the love of his life.
He found a friend in you, who can listen and talk about his cars and dreams. He found a friend in you that can beat him up in his video games. He found a friend in you that can share a beer and not having to worry about him wanting to drink be a secret. And he found a friend in you that he can take anywhere with him because he knows, a true friend never says no to life adventures.
With all that going smooth, next he found a woman in you who gave him his freedom just like his mother did since he was born. A woman who makes lime juice for a hangover. A woman whom he can lean on when the times get rough and a women who's got his back.
Because, men are born free and want to live an easy life. So if you crack the code, he only needs someone to share life with and with peace.
“You are his peace and he will take care of his peace no matter what happens in the world around you”
© Arya-nada
Marriage, is not something you have to oppose in life. If you find someone who is worth sharing your life for the rest of your life, then go for it.
It is very rare that people talk about the mental health of men! For all we know is that most of the time they are blamed for our lack of understanding and gender difference on cultural basis.
But, men arn't really that bad. It is us that push them too hard without giving them a chance.
Men only refuse to grow up sometimes. For them, everything in life is naturally simple. They are born with an ease of mind. They are brought up with natural freedom and stress-free lifestyle.
“Have a wedding” no problem, PANTS! “Got a job” no problem, PANTS! “Going to a party” no problem, PANTS! “Funeral” no problem PANTS! “Temple” no problem PANTS! “Beach” no problem short PANTS!
Since birth they experience the ultimate freedom of life. They are allowed to go anywhere at any time of the day. School trips, field trips, road trips, trips to the outer space, no problem come home and Mom will cook dinner no matter what. They are allowed to sleep 12 plus hours a day and that doesn't seem to bother anyone at all.
For us ladies, it’s different. Because there was news of a girl being kidnapped in Afghanistan so you can’t go out today or for the rest of your life "until you get married" and have your own husband to take the blame.
“What if I learn karate?” Still no because you can’t go to karate class alone you’ll be kidnapped on your way home before you learn anything. So we stay home all excited, “can’t wait to get married and be free”
Boys live a different life and we girls live a different life until we are ready for marriage or a relationship.
But, nothing changes after marriage. Getting into a relationship will not change the long-lived habits of life.
After living a good 25 years of freedom, doing whatever they want and never even getting the feeling of being tied down, naturally they tend to fly away. You cannot tie them down. The more you try to control the being the more they scare away because it is something new to their lifestyle.
Us women, “can’t wait to get married to be free”, try to marry the first man that we start a relationship with and on the second day of the meeting we have already decided the names of our twins. So now since we already have names of our kids and dogs figured out, we try to push them in to marring us immediately for security reasons.
It is natural for us to feel that “if he runs away with another woman while I’m planning my wedding my life is over!”
No, it’s not. And he will only run away if you push him to the limits of giving up his freedom and being forced to live a life that is uneasy for him.
Men are not our rescuers. They cannot give us freedom from our own imagined prisons. It is only an excuse our parents gave us so that we behave until we get a good husband. When a fully grown male sapiens matures and needs a female to mate, they don’t tend to think of marriage at first. Because they already have a good and easy life with freedom everywhere. The thought of being tied down scares them away. They no longer feel free.
There comes a time for a man to need a relationship. Or to find someone to share life with. At this point, of course, he only thinks of physical touch and sharing life. Also good looks make them shake a bit it’s only natural. Take it as a part of their exploration process and wait until they find out that all women have the same physicality but all women don’t have the same brains.
If you want your man to stay, if you think you can share life with this man, then build your man!
Help him see the world as it is. Be by his side when he falls. Forgive his small mistakes and try to give him his space to figure out that they are mistakes. They are exploring life just as we are. There is no ready-made perfect boyfriend to be bought from a super market. They all have either lost in life, broken or won in life and figuring out what’s next. Build your man. Be his strength. Be his peace so that he feels to come home when he needs peace, not run to the bar.
Let him wear his pants with dignity. Don’t try to take away his manhood by pulling his pants infront of the worl, and trying to lock him down from the life he has lived all this time. Don’t let him down in front of his friends and family. Instead speak up for him, praise him and admire him. Save the scolding or correcting to be done when you two are by just yourself.
Giving him his peace and freedom, befriend him and get to know his desires, goals, life plans, and curiosities and his favorite superhero. That’s where the magic happens. Help him with his plans without expecting to share the profit. Feed his curiosities and desires and make him see there is no difference. Be his favorite superhero by being his mental peace.
By the time you both know each other so well, the ups and downs you had to go through to come to this phase and how you never gave up on each other, there comes a time where you no longer care about the looks of each other. There comes the time that he wants to make up for ignoring your calls. There comes the time when he feels grateful for you for not leaving him for his stupid mistakes. And there comes the time where he realizes that you won’t try to change him nor touch his peace but be his strength and the love of his life.
He found a friend in you, who can listen and talk about his cars and dreams. He found a friend in you that can beat him up in his video games. He found a friend in you that can share a beer and not having to worry about him wanting to drink be a secret. And he found a friend in you that he can take anywhere with him because he knows, a true friend never says no to life adventures.
With all that going smooth, next he found a woman in you who gave him his freedom just like his mother did since he was born. A woman who makes lime juice for a hangover. A woman whom he can lean on when the times get rough and a women who's got his back.
Because, men are born free and want to live an easy life. So if you crack the code, he only needs someone to share life with and with peace.
“You are his peace and he will take care of his peace no matter what happens in the world around you”
© Arya-nada
