"I'm not hungry, Gramma." "How much ice cream have you had?" The question asked now just before dinner which I, Gramma "Jay," had lovingly prepared at my son's house. A favorite of spaghetti with meatballs and of course cheesy garlic bread was served on the table in the dining room. Sometimes this not so clever as she thinks, 10 year old would ask each parent separately for a bowl of her favorite vanilla flavor. If only one of them said no Shea would still get herself ice cream. Her father, my son, would say no most of the time and become angry at her persistence. Her mom generally gave in. Shea would also ask her grandmothers who often babysat, for ice cream even if she already had some.
This Thursday night I was there. Gramma Susie had babysat all day while Joe and Ashley worked. She told me Shea was especially difficult. She had had three bowls of ice cream!! Susie had told the defiant grandchild "No more." after the first bowl which she devoured right after school. When Susie saw her going for her then third bowl a tug of war ensued. Both holding and pulling on the two- scoopfilled plastic orange bowl til Gramma Susie let go and said "I'm going to call your mother!" The ice cream, vanilla of course accompanied this time by the addition of chocolate chip mint, quickly consumed during the call.
I have to admit I've gotten myself caught up in the same tug of war with my stubborn granddaughter before. I got the bowl away to which she yelled out "I hate you!" I too called her mother at work and left a voicemail message. I really hate to interrupt Ashley at work. Her position is very important at her company for which she earns a six figure salary, and she's busy with meetings all day. I usually just text her the issues at hand if necessary. There's a lot of issues. "Brush your teeth." "No!", "Brush your hair.", "No! " She won't even take a shower for me without a struggle. If defiance was an art, Shea would be a Picasso.
I wonder what's the use of trying to discipline an undisciplined child? There's no consistency and few consequences. For example "No mom, I didn't have three bowls of ice cream." This statement, accompanied by adding a few tears, was made to an overworked and tired Ashley when she got home. It was seemingly believed because the answer was simply "OK." followed by "Pleases behave for your Gramma's."
I generally don't claim to be the best example of a parent. This Grandma wasn't. This is why I don't tell my son the situations usually. I remember taking a parenting class in my thirties and reading books to get some help. I was a single parent by environment not by heredity. My children's Dad was physically present but mentally at the bottom of his cans of beer and just said "Whatever." to everything til he passed out. Having no help and tired, it was easier for me to say"No!" to almost anything. But when it's not your child, and especially a grandchild, it gets confusing. I just want to have fun with my grandkids! It's my turn to let loose and be wonderful, but I don't want to be walked over or give in to unhealthy behaviors.
You think they know what they're in for when Shea becomes a teenager? We'll see. Meanwhile in their house I just do my best, but in my house my rules, even if she calls her mom. And yes, we get ice cream but at McDonald's or Dairy Queen so there's only one serving.
I wonder if it has anything to do with growth spurts or the fact that I craved vanilla ice cream when I was pregnant with my son?

© Jodi A