I pretended to be all ok for one week...
With Sagen in mind, I wake up in the morning, and with him, in my mind, I go to sleep!
We only talk when his call comes. Mostly I miss them to pick up as being in class, and when I call him to return he doesn't respond.
Msg I reply, and he replies...just time matters...

Madhu asked me many times" All ok" and I replied yes.
I was tossed into poetry and fiction. Nothing gives me pleasure apart from reading books, and music. From first year to second went how I had no idea.
I remember days of Sagen, how happy he was when I got distinction in subject, he was soon happy... On my scholarship. Ufff... This Sagen virus...!

My room became dirty as I don't clean up like before.
I don't wish to eat food. Like some ghost caught up in me, I sit inside my room and keep looking at my pink wall, and bookshelf, evening set of the sun fills my eyes with tears.
No interest in anything.
When I look at the sky. I feel it's like Sagen... Deep in his thoughts only speak when it's too hard to handle pain... Then burst and rain!

I kept bonding with Madhu but stopped talking about Sagen. Even I haven't told her about Zoya!
Ramya was my pillar to boost my spirit. She cracks jokes, translates Tamil songs for me, teases people, fights with her fiance, and abuses him to cheer up herself. In her companion, I was different learning abusive words... Hahaha... In five sentences Ramya will utter at least two slag words. But ...she was full of fun. Lady Don!
I wish I too was like her. Not sensitive not so one man type!

I can't handle dads anger at home. If he argues I get up and go to the room. If he asks something I feel not to respond. I was lost.
The jokes of my neighbors hit me like a stone that I stopped talking much with them.
Distancing all ... But Sagen... Uff...

He was even sensed when I touch myself!

The only comfort I feel with my best friend... Preeta. I tell her about Sagen... She listen ...I cry, she weep. She crack jokes to make me laugh, but I do is cry.
She admire my eyes, still I cry.
We two were besties since childhood. Preeta was like my sister. But, about her, I never told Sagen as unintentionally...I thought to intro them on some special event...as they both were my walls of heart.

It's the second week...
I was disturbed in my mind... Had a little quarrel with Dad last night...
No focus I felt. I texted Sagen to call me as he get free.
He did immediately as soon as msg got delivered.
"hi... He said.
"Where are you, can we meet today?
"No.. not possible today".
Ok. Silence went on.
So... How are you Swath.
I felt to tell him a lot ...but I couldn't.
Silence we heard.
ok then bye. Call me later.
He said and cut his call.
I sensed he was getting another call.

I went outside. Looked sky with clouds.
Hey all, ok Madhu asked me.
Yes all fine.
Don't lie dear ... It's two years we are together I know you now.
I just avoided to look at her.
I felt to scream out ... All know me... But I don't know all!

I kept silent.
Suddenly I heard Zoya speaking on her mobile...
She didn't notice me or Madhu. As we both turned towards the wall entrance of Lady's Room.

"Did you tell my name... Plz, don't ..get angry... Listen... I just...love you...so... It's ok....everything you...Swath..."
Zoya spoke so loudly that the entire people can have her.

I and Madhu both looked at each other in shock...
I dialed immediately with a trumping heart which will stop now..
I called to Sagen.
His call was on another call...
I kept calling back to back.....
My madness and heart beat..raised after each call...in my gesture my eyes...it was visible that I may kill someone now!May be that is...Sagen Rajput.

Madhu tried to control my anger...
She kept saying relax...Swath... We will find out... Plz ...dnt do anything wrong...
Her words were unbearable for me!
I kept calling him....
I glued my eye on Zoya from a distance...
The moment she kept her call, Sagen picked up my call...and yelled at me...
"How many times, do I have to explain to you ...do not call me so many times..."
" My anger waved in my voice...
Who she was you were talking with"
He took a mint of silence and then said...
"Whoever... " he said.
She was Zoya ..am I right?
His anger floated as of displacement action!
"Oh, so you are also involved in this and making me fool right... Ok bye... Now you know ... Bye. Never call me again Swathantra. Bye forever. "
He cut the call.

My brain was heated up in that I cannot control...
I got so angry that I broke the mirror of Lady's washroom.
Just one fist and it collapsed.
Madhu handled other girls... She said it was already broken. She touched it and it fall...
I was so full of frustrated...
My anger carried into tears.
Soon Madhu consoled me.
Stop crying now take your action on Zoya. It's enough now.

We both went near her. I took out her cell phone from her hand. "Hey..what... "
My eyes were enough to make her shut up.
I want to know everything, Zoya... From the beginning.
© Saranya Anish Nair