Abour a year ago, I was going thru an especially dark time in my life and I just thought that mentally, spiritually and emotionally I was as low as I could get as I entertained thoughts of suicide quite frequently. Then I stood corrected as the guy i lived with and "loved" at the time. Threw me out of his house at 5:30a.m. wearing nothing but a tee shirt and panties and luckily the neighbor was also my best friend so i quickly made my way there.  And then I recieved a message from the guy previously mentioned saying he was burning all my belongings....and he did.  EVERYTHING I OWNED.  And thats when i lost it.  I CRIED FOR HOURS AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I ACTUALLY CURSED GOD AND TOLD HIM I HATED HIM...AND THAT HE WAS A LIAR BECAUSE HE PROMISED HE WOULD NEVER PUT ON US MORE THAN WE COULD HANDLE. Afterwards despite my traumatized and devastated state of being I made myself attempt to find happiness. Well My pursuit failed miserably and  ultimately backfired or so I thought. So on the evening of a particular celebratory holiday my so called bestfriend and new bf at the time and I drove to the lake. We arrived at the crowded boat ramp full of people who were celebrating , partying and awaiting fireworks. The energy of the crowd in reaction to my presence was typical but much more unanimous than I can remember it ever being. the energy coming from every stranger  at me was negative and I couldn't ignore the tone in the voices though I couldn't make out the words as I was mocked and made fun of by random people as I made my way to the water and then my boyfriend (now ex) gave me a kiss good bye and to show his solidarity with the onlookers and for a good laugh, gave me a small but very visible shove towards the kayak to make it known he was ready to get rid of me so he could join in the festivity and be free to do as he pleased. I bit my tongue and humiliatedly paddled quickly along the shore line past the people in boats until it was only me and nature and peace among us. I could no longer hear the mocking or feel the negativity directed at me. I floated adrift for a bit contemplating my next move since I was in no hurry to be the subject of the cruelty of the crowd that was awaiting my return to shore but at the same Time I was not in the right state of mind to be able to enjoy kayaking like I normally would have been doing so I decided to continue kayaking parallel...