He was mine , I love him like crazy but I was the dumbest person alive on earth because I never said these words to him . I wa scared that he might not like it ,he might leave me or he might ignore me that's my problem every person in the world I love I never had the courage to say or confess my feeling it's not just for him it's also my parents,my friend and my brothers and sisters I love them more than me but never I was able to say that to them they thought I was cold and they still thought that I am cold ,feeling less person because I never show them my emotion now you was confused why I never told them my emotion it's my trauma you can say that I was 5 when they adopted me before that I was in an orphanage where I trusted a person very much but he assaulted me he was my teacher there and fun fact was that I was unaware what he did to me until I was 1p twelve when I started reading books and articles that's why every one thought me as cold because because before that I was a normal bubbly girl they thought that because I was a grown up and know that what foster parents mean that's why I was being like that but they tried to bring me back but maybe I was gone too far that it was impossible for me to return I lost trust that day I lost my identity I didn't know how to protect myself from others that's why I stopped reacting and they thought I was cold some children's at school called me bitch I had no friends except him he was the little boy who was scared of me as well as amused that how can a girl especially can't react he told me that I had love trauma that's why i hate showing my emotion because if I show them real me they will love me and after some time we became unseprable we became best friends when I was 16 I started feeling that I love him but I never told he made tons of girlfriends every time I saw him with a girl I feel heartbroken but I never told him now we both are 21 years old 5 years passed but till now I am same and tomorrow he will be gone he get an job offer in America so after tomorrow he will be gone for long I got an idea because I knew he will be unable to came before 4 years because of the project I wrote a letter that I love him and want him with me but I know he want us just as friend so I am willing to leave him alone after this I put that in his luggage and dropped him at the airport I know that I am making a mistake I will be unable to live without him but I just don't want him to be leave sadly because he broke his best friend's heart I was in my house thinking that he left the country then I heard I door bell don't get excited it was not him it was box with a letter in the box there are all the pictures of me and him from starting and the letter said ,
"hey ! dummy I know you are thinking about me crushing over my photos till now but dude don't worry I am coming back after a week oh you are surprised I know that but yeah I never get the job offer I just got a small project but I told you it was a offer at first it was just a joke I thought I will told you when I will be leaving but after that I got the letter you are a dummy you know that you thought I will not love you back dude from the first day I met you I was crushing over you I tried everything to get you even though I brought fake girlfriends just to make you jealous but you never reacted a bit so I thought you are absolutely not interested in me you know every one night stander you had I literally cried imagining you with someone else but I was also afraid to lose you but that letter told me that even though you never showed you love me and I love you too and when I am coming back I am not gonna leave you for a second until then enjoy your freedom I know you don't trust people easily I know something happened in your past and for that I will give you space but you have to tell me and I will make your love trauma leave don't worry my queen dummy "!!! I was excited, shocked ,surprised and a bit afraid but I was really look forward to remove my love trauma....
© stuart