A good man who was a great friend...I just can't believe you're gone. We had so many things in common and we always uplifted each other. We went to daycare, elementary, junior high, high school and even went to college together. We were always cool. We did boxing, judo, music, dance, poetry and other activities together. A man who was muscular and attractive, you always made sure that your sexiness always had class. I remember when we hung out one day and we were at the gym working out and I remember we were competing to see who could lift weights and of course, you beat me. But you always uplifted me and pushed me to be a better version of myself. Although you were a straight man, the fact that my sexuality never once bothered you always made me feel secure in myself. The fact that you allowed me to playfully flirt with you and still be in your masculinity as a straight man.... I have nothing but respect to you. Oftentimes, when the world was against me, you were always my backbone and I'm forever grateful to you for your love and support. After a while, you started getting sick and later diagnosed with stage four cancer. The moment you told me the news, I knew I didn't want to live without you. I even thought about killing myself, but you told me to keep living. Day by day, you would get weaker and weaker to where you lost your speech, muscle mass and vision. The last time I saw you, you were unconscious and lying down on a hospital bed and I remembered looking at you and I already knew. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I left knowing I wouldn't see you again. One night, I was with a loved one and the phone rang. I answered and got the news. When I tell you that I lost my mind, I'm not joking. The moment I heard that you had passed away, my mind went on a blur. Days later, I went to your funeral and I broke down crying when I saw you in your casket. In a white tuxedo, looking sharp and still, I struggled to maintain my composure. I broke down crying, trying to process the fact that you're gone. It took your loved ones to calm me down and I remember the funeral going by so fast. When the funeral was over and you were laid to rest, my whole spirit was broken. All the memories of us spending time together and the advice you used to give me...I won't ever forget. I just wish that you would still be here with me. Wherever you are, I hope you're resting well. You were a shining light in my life and I still feel your energy with me everywhere I go. Rest well, my friend. I know I'll see you again one day.





© Josiah Bhola Hillaire