I'm confused you know,
Like I'm not trying to create a show
But I'm confused as to how I should feel,
I don't know if I should use the pill.


Trust me when I say this that I'm lost,
I feel like I'm heart covered by frost,
And not in a good way,
But like a toxic chemical imbalance gone a stray.

I don't even understand if I'm myself as I type this out,
I'm not even sure if this is me and if it's so why am I filled the doubt,
I dismiss my tears before they could flow,
Because my boat full of holes with no sticks to row.

Not everything is about him but my family and my life,
It's like I shook hands with the devil and he had his fingers crosses as a bluff,
Forget every corner of the house being haunted,
My soul feels ghosted without it's emotions daunted.

I should be bone dry in my coffin pose,(peacefully)
Since birth I felt like I was a dying rose,(unknowingly)
What's the point of watering this throned heart,(shockingly)
When the soil is already dying and the pedals are falling apart.(sadly)

I'm still trying my utmost best Almighty,
But I'm always taking things so likely,
I can't help if I'm so use to everything collapsing around me,
Trust me when I say I try to rebuild it but not able to see.

I'm terrified of letting anyone put a smile on my face,
Someone who will love me and make my heart race,
A bucket list of all my dreams,
Are now full of tears,fears and screams.

I'll keep having faith even though me being sombre gives me solace,
My aspirations conspired with my heart and inspirations to distroy a warm embrace .
I don't own the heart that beats within,
Anyways I know suicide is a sin.

I don't know myself anymore,
I think I didn't even know myself before,
I'm laying on my bed refusing my tears to collide with my pillow,
Because I suspended my emotions that thought they could follow.


#WritcoStoryChallenge
#sadlove😢 #confusion #depression #lonely