Being made devastated by my own choices, not knowing how to choose wisely became a puzzle of which I had no solution to. I couldn't really see the turning point in any of my steps for betterment. Seemed all choices I made were never the right ones. A dilemma leading to thousands of dilemmas, a maze leading to the most intricate one of any sort. Vicious circles at every turn I considered taken. But never did I know I was going into one until I got further down the ditch and this made my strive for success much harder than I expected. Some times I just kept running in circles going back to the same point I initially started hoping that I was making progress but all I had put into the course wasn't enough to purchase the success I so desire. Before I could recover from a shock of failure another came after another and all I had to make were just series of failures in record. I could give up if I wanted to and to be honest every part of me craved for it. It hurts so much when you have to rejoice over others success but no one rejoices over yours because there is none to celebrate for. Having a track record of failures can be devastating and shameful. Everyone took my words for granted and my voice which once got the interest of everyone was now getting soaked in tension. My parents who had overprotected me since birth, who always made my choices for me and never gave me the chance of exposure in fear that I might join the fleet of the dark world had recently turned to the greatest motivational speakers I have ever known. I hardly could survive on my own without banking on my parents and sometimes I came back home crying for facing another humiliation, on seeing my parents stepping up to me I would say the same words of motivation they always said before they even got to say the very first word. And they would just keep quiet and stare at me in grave silence with sadness contorting their admirable faces. They would try cuddling me but I would shake off any attempt to that and plead with them to let me be alone for some while. Depression manned my soul and spirit and hope was vaporizing away. My parents said all they did they did because they wanted me to have the best in life. Yes, they cared so much for me but placed restrictions on things that were key to building me up and also engagements that could have made me become the best version of myself. The course I studied which I struggle all the time with they chose for me, the social activities I was keen on being part of they cut me off from as a way of protecting me from gang groups, finances were always made available and they never taught me how to manage money effectively, neither did they curb my excess spending habit. I had everything I wanted within the household, I had a maid that did all chores as well as other household activities that I didn't get to even comb my hair myself. Leaving home was almost prohibited except for times when I had to go to school or times when the entire family goes out for recreation, social functions or shopping. I was closely watched by my parents and I had no life of my own instead I lived my parents life. I hadn't many friends and those that came visiting would need to be acceptable before my parents, I didn't really learn the mastery of moving along well with people because I wasn't given the opportunity to understand life and gain exposure. I wasn't also given a chance to gain the mastery of solving problems. I was conceited and I tried to squeeze everyone I knew under my feet because I believed I could have my way in all things at all times. I had the habit of eavesdropping on my parents conversation and all the time I heard my mother complain to my dad of my excess pride, he would say I am still a child and would outgrow it as I begin to understand life better. Life for me only encompassed majorly my school and home. I knew the history of my town but was not completely familiar with it physically talk more of the neighboring towns and the world at large.
. My parents who later got into severe financial issues and wasn't as influential as they were placed on me the responsibility of fending for them and supporting them in anyway I can but it seemed as if my hands were tied, the money they left in reserve I squandered out of inexperience. My lack of physical involvement endued me with null experience, the practical world rejected me. The friends I had within my circle were gone and no one saw value in me anymore. My parents were incapacitated and had tried in their own way to put me on the success lane but the success lane kept spewing me out. It finally dawned on them that their overprotection and severe restrictions were taking a toll on me. They had no option but to blame themselves for their improper parenting though they never admitted to it explicitly but it was written all over them whenever my matters were the topic of the day in the neighborhood, I knew I was a shame to them but I couldn't help the situation because I really didn't know how to. Though everything happened to be working against me, I still loved my parents and didn't blame them for my lack of success because I knew if I would succeed it is necessary that I adopt the right mindset and take responsibilities. I could not give up because giving up was a sure way I knew would take me further down the ditch. I had to keep pressing on with an understanding that it is never too late to make changes afar as one has life. Even if I had to spend my whole life trying to get out of this ditch I was willing to, because I believed that is what determination and resilience is all about. I was not driven by the ways I knew that would bring failure to me instead I was driven by the ways I was yet to figure out that would bring success. Hence I had to keep my head up and my mind alert to thoughts and ideas that births success. No stone I chose to leave unturned and no clue I laid aside without proper consideration. I took steps to access the uncharted. Life was no bed of roses. I was sure if only my parents had seen this time ahead they would have done something to stop it from becoming a reality. But the future is never known under normal circumstances but it takes its formation in reliance to the present and past.
. Therefore, whatever you did in the past or whatever action you take in the present affects you in the future in one way or the other. My present was once my future and my past was once my present. Surely I could neither go into the past or future to make any adjustment but I believed I always have the power to make adjustments in the present and that I did. I started making choices from within and extended them all the way to the outer world and these choices I was bent on getting right. Having learnt from my mistakes and the mistakes of my parents it now known to me that it is important for parents to take care of their children very well but it’s also important that they give them proper exposure and the opportunity to live a life of their own.
© Maxix