This is my new flat containing everything that I own in the world. To a stranger, it might look pathetic, but to me it's perfect.

After a relationship that should have ended a lot sooner, I finally broke up with my boyfriend of one year three months ago. I've been couch surfing ever since I moved out and it feels incredible to finally have my own space. Now that I've finally bagged a serious job, it's time to have a place of my own.

The last year with my ex was unbearable. He'd always been jealous, but the further we grew apart, the more suffocating his possessiveness became. If I went out without him I'd have to 'forget' my phone to avoid getting fifty arsey texts and having to reassure him that no, I hadn't danced with any guys, and yes, it was a crap night without him. It got so bad that I stopped wanting to see my closest friends – even a night with Nicki would result in a fight.

But the worst sacrifice I made was losing contact with Romi.
was my closest. I met him at my first on job, He made me laugh on my very first shift and we were inseparable from that moment on, always slinking off on our breaks with bottles of half-finished wine and tasting each course, "just to make sure that it's OK for the customers". Little did I know that my weekend job would inspire my future career. But even then I guessed that my partner in crime.

Romi is one of those drop dead gorgeous guys that every girl wants to go out with. Predictably, he's had a string of pretty, dull girlfriends for as long as I've known him. There's nothing between us, we're just friends, but try telling my ex that. We had so many fights over Romi, that I stopped seeing him and allowed us to drift apart completely.

A wave of energy rushed through me, tingling between my thighs

Alright, there was one time when I wondered whether anything would happen between us. We'd been on holiday together to stay with his aunty in Europe. We had so much fun spending long, lazy days on the beach, sipping cold beers with countless bocadillos. It was one of the only times in eight years of friendship that neither of us were in a relationship. In fact, I was only there to stand in for a girlfriend he'd broken up with days before.

The night before we went home he dared me to go skinny-dipping. We were sitting on the pier where one of the restaurants had placed a few tables up by the water's edge. I knew he thought I'd never do it and I was more than a little tipsy so I pulled my strapless dress off there and then and jumped straight in. The water was freezing and I rushed to the surface, squealing.

Romi was bent over with laughter. Reaching down to pull me up out of the water, he gripped me in his tanned arms and a wave of electricity ran between us. as I clambered up to him, I realised my tiny knickers were see-through from the water. Of course I felt self-conscious, but as his eyes flickered along my body, I almost forgot my embarrassment. I wanted him to look at me, I felt like it was the first time that he'd really seen me. A wave of energy rushed through me, tingling between my thighs. If I hadn't seen the waiter walking over just then, well, I don't know for certain, but I felt sure he'd have kissed me.


I pulled my dress on before I was seen and we sat back down to finish our drinks, but the atmosphere had changed completely. Every other night we'd been howling with laughter and taking the piss out of each other. Suddenly we were quiet, the air between us heavy with expectancy. I remember how excited I felt, but also how frustrated I was that this was only happening now, the night before we went home.

On our way back to his auntie's apartment, he put his arm around me, a gesture that he'd repeated a hundred times, but this one it was different, more tentative, his fingers gently circling my sun-kissed shoulder. My heart was pounding, my senses felt heightened. The smell of salt water in my hair was mingling with the subtle scent of his skin. The humid night air felt like it was closing in on me with sound of music and people and chatting in the restaurants that we passed. Everything was intensified and unreal. My mind was already in his auntie's flat.

But none of that was meant to be. His aunty was waiting for us with a room full of friends and neighbours. In front of this crowd of people, we slipped straight back into our familiar roles, Jess and Romi, totally platonic friends.

I wasn't able to sleep that night though; it was infuriating knowing that he was lying there in the next room.I kiss goodbye to Andreas and Peter and bolt the door of the cafe behind them as they walk out into the dark night. It's been a long, busy day.

I walk through to the little back office, checking off the changes I've made with pride. The wall that I've dedicated for local artists to exhibit their work on is constantly changing. A portrait of a proud, moustachioed man with friendly eyes reminds me of Romi's dad. I log in to Facebook at the office computer, welcoming the mindless distraction that will help me to switch off after a busy day. I click onto Romi's profile page and have a flick through his pictures. This has become a habit lately, before I know it, I find I've wasted half an hour looking at pictures of Romi on a beach in Thailand surrounded by bikinied girls, Romi on the back of a motorbike straddling one of his mates, Romi's familiar, magnetic grin,..Romi at a food market bartering. Then, "Hi stranger" - a live message from the man himself – pops up in the corner of my screen.

I blush guiltily; does he know that I've been stalking him?

Me: Hi you, how's Thailand / Laos / wherever the hell you are?

Him: Back at Cassa Davidson. But they were all great thanks.

Me: Oh my god! You're home? I've forgotten my embarrassment; I'm so excited to be talking to my old friend again.

Him: Certainly am. Want to meet up soon?

Me: Yes, I'd love to. It's been too long. As soon as you've recovered from your jet lag you have to come round. I'm living in Holloway now and working in a gorgeous little cafe, Te Quiero, you'll love it!

Him: I've heard. I miss you Jess, it's been over a year.

Me: I know, I miss you too. I'm so sorry that I never came to your leaving – things were messy back then. When can you visit? Wednesday?

Him: Might have to help out at the restaurant, I'm skint, but I'll let you know.


I walk to the bus stop with a spring in my step. I've missed Romi so much, the way he makes me laugh, his surprising shyness if I ever succeed in making him blush, the midnight feasts that we'd make after a night out. I've been kicking myself for sacrificing our friendship, all for my ex's ego. I can finally see how futile it was. Nothing I did or didn't do would have made him have faith in me. And Romi is the only guy that I've ever had a real, uncomplicated friendship with. Well, mostly uncomplicated.

I've got the next day off and spend the morning pottering around in Camden Market. In my mind, I plan what meal I'll pick out for Romi when he comes to the café, deciding that halloumi with chorizo, apricot and a green bean salad will be the perfect combination. I try to see Te Quiero through his eyes. How will he see me now I'm finally realising my ambition to run my own restaurant?

After finding a mirror, a cashmere throw and a box of wine glasses for the flat, I cart my new purchases back on the bus. When I get to the door of my building there's a tall, tanned man holding a massive bunch of sunflowers at my door. It's Romi, grinning at me widely.



"House warming present," he says as I carelessly drop my bags at my feet and wrap my arms around'

"Oh my god, thank you. How did you know where I lived? You look so well? These are so beautiful," I cry, ecstatic and flustered and utterly surprised.

"I went to your café and you weren't there, so I called Nicki and she gave me your address."



By this point we're climbing the stairs to my flat. I'm juggling the flowers and all of my bags. Tom looks awkward, as though he doesn't know what to do with his hands.

I show him into my studio and feel suddenly self-conscious.

"I've only just moved in, there's a lot of work to do on it yet," I say, apologetically.

"It's great, Jess," he says. He's not looking at the room at all but staring at me, really staring.

"You're gorgeous." I say. Not "You look well." Or "How are you?" All I can come up with is the truth. He's tanned, toned and bigger than I remember him being, he seems to fill the whole flat, towering above me.

He doesn't say anything but cups my chin in his hand, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I freeze. I don't know how to react, I don't want to breeze over this gesture and spoil the moment. I want to press myself up against his hard, warm body. This is not the Romi that I remember. It's disorientating that he can seem at once so familiar.

"I've missed you," he says.

I can feel how much he means it and I rush towards him for a hug, but as I go to press my face into his chest he lifts it upwards gently and kisses me.

In that moment I'm undone...

"I've waited so long for this moment,..

"You're beautiful, Jess," he whispers in my ear, "so beautiful."

And I feel it. More beautiful than I've ever felt in my life.

But while we've been lying there in silence, my mind has been running away with me. I'm not ready to dive into another relationship yet; I don't know what Romi's plan is or even where he's going to live. I've just got my best friend back and I don't want to loose him again.
"Romi, what's going to happen? I've missed you so much, I don't want to spoil our friendship, but I can't lose you again. And I need this time, this place, to myself for a bit. But you can't just waltz in here and do this and expect nothing to change. I don't know what this means to you but everything is going to change.

"Jess, calm down," he says softly, placing a finger on my lips. "I understand. I don't know what I'm doing either. I've only just got back from travelling. All that I know is that I've wanted for this to happen for a long time."

"Since Spain?" I ask, tentatively.

"Maybe even before that. And there's a whole list of things that I want to do with you before we start questioning this," he says, running his fingertips over my lips.

"What else is on this list then?" I ask ..

"I want to have you in the shower, on that coffee table, on every surface in your café..

"Let's start there then," I say, feeling more confident and sexual than I've ever felt in my life before, "and when we've crossed everything off your list…" love
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