I was there. When you hit rock bottom. When you were lost and unattended. When you were doubtling yourself. I was there. I was there not because you asked me to. Not because you told me to stay. Or you forced me to be with you. I was there because I wanted to. Because I thought it was the right thing to do. Because you needed me more than you needed yourself. And I was there because I chose you.

Now, where are you?

I can't see you. I can't feel you. I can't hear you. I wasn't expecting for too much. I just wanted to feel that I am more than what the world is telling me. That I mean something to someone I chose to share my life with. That it wasn't a mistake to keep choosing people. That it wasn't my fault for loving too much. That it wasn't a wrong turn when I chose to light your path.I was hoping I'm right.

My life gest messier each day. I am getting far, so far way from my seashore. I am losing my grip to that small thread keeping me afloat from all the miseries. My body is shaking and the coldness is giving me unimaginable chills. It is not the life I intended to give to myself but look at me now, I am drowning in my own tears. It's funny. I thought I could save myself.I thought I could do the same efforts I did for you. And for everyone else. But it's ironic to say that I was wrong all this time. I can't really expect people to have the same heartbeat as mine.

I'll let you go. And so as the expectations I had for you. All those high hopes I had for everyone. All those flowery dreams I invested in people. There is way out here than to dig my own soil. I had to stop my own turmoil. It wasn't right to begin with. To anticipate that people will pay me for kindness. It shouldn't have think of that. It was my mistake. And I feel sad that this has to end like this.

My love, my friend, my companion, my family and to all the people I loved in the past, I am all letting you go. Not because I no longer see your purpose but more of, I see my worth now. I do not need your validation. I do not need your conviction. I do not need your approval. I am who I am now because of the disappointments ya'll had given me. And I am not blaming any single soul for this drama. Right now, this is the battle between me and myself. Between my heart and my head. Between what I want and what I need. Between what I think is right and what is actually right.

Thank you still. Thank you for abandoning me. Thank you for letting me suffer. For not listening to my cries. For not seeing my worth even if I was waving it right into your shut eyes. Thank you. Now I know that no one is going to save me. I have to do it for myself. Thank you for letting me know that. For waking me up in my nightmares and deformed dreams. I appreciate ya'll.

I won't ask you now if,


Where are you?

© silvervierre