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Personal Diary | Chapter 5 |The End
CHAPTER 5
.♤.
THE ROLLER COASTER
• Sunday, October 13 •
For months now no words have been asked. However, I feel these electrical impulses which form the beats of my heart and my mind; this need to expel, to expire, to spit out.
I feel this almost libidinal drive for self-destruction invade and creep inside my blood so hot now. And yet this time, it doesn't look like a death drive. It's a vibrational beat that spreads through me at the speed of lightning. He grabbed me, strained my nerves. I want to run screaming like a hysteric rapturing to be fully herself while not knowing it yet entirely. It is strange, this feeling, this sudden attraction for danger, for everything that offers me no guarantee of security. For this ephemerality, completely overcome with persistent lightning. My soul is devoured by such great desires. Fiery, passionate, intense, violent. Crus. Without caution or concession.
And I don't know how to quench my thirst. I smash my skull with bass blows, rhythms similar to the one flowing along my veins. The notion of immorality suddenly seems perfectly foreign to me. With my hands on the wheel, the speed sucks me madly. 170 km / h on the odometer. I play with danger and I like it.
The beauty of the euphoria is - I know it - only too ephemeral for one to be able to remember it. No, it is caught in the movement. There is only the moment that counts now, in the almost hyspnotic...
.♤.
THE ROLLER COASTER
• Sunday, October 13 •
For months now no words have been asked. However, I feel these electrical impulses which form the beats of my heart and my mind; this need to expel, to expire, to spit out.
I feel this almost libidinal drive for self-destruction invade and creep inside my blood so hot now. And yet this time, it doesn't look like a death drive. It's a vibrational beat that spreads through me at the speed of lightning. He grabbed me, strained my nerves. I want to run screaming like a hysteric rapturing to be fully herself while not knowing it yet entirely. It is strange, this feeling, this sudden attraction for danger, for everything that offers me no guarantee of security. For this ephemerality, completely overcome with persistent lightning. My soul is devoured by such great desires. Fiery, passionate, intense, violent. Crus. Without caution or concession.
And I don't know how to quench my thirst. I smash my skull with bass blows, rhythms similar to the one flowing along my veins. The notion of immorality suddenly seems perfectly foreign to me. With my hands on the wheel, the speed sucks me madly. 170 km / h on the odometer. I play with danger and I like it.
The beauty of the euphoria is - I know it - only too ephemeral for one to be able to remember it. No, it is caught in the movement. There is only the moment that counts now, in the almost hyspnotic...
