So many years has gone by. I still remember the day I found out I was Blessed from God. Everyone even the Dr.'s told me I couldn't carry a child because I was so unhealthy. Yes, indeed I thought they where right. What was I to believe. I was only 18 teen at the time. Taking 50 different kinds of medicine. My grandmother was the one that pointed out that I was with child. I couldn't had been thats what I told her. Never missed that time of the month. Your daddy was my very 1st that I had a say. I did noticed my stomach a little bigger. At the time I was only between 90lbs. to 100lbs. I thought about what my Grandmother said that day. So I pulled out my book where I would mark every month when I would. She was so right. Every other month it would be around the same time but for the lasted 2 months it wasnt. That night I stayed with my Moms boyfriend Didnt think much of it your Daddy wouldn't let me stay by myself ,family, friends, it had to be who he wanted. I had a test my mom had given for a joke. Really it wasnt to be used. Hey I didn't had to go out an buy one. That morning I took the test. I just sat there. I couldnt move, Over an over I asked God really the baby wont come out healthy, he or she will end up with something wrong with them because of all my medicine I was taking at the time. Knock,knock well my moms boyfriend yelled in to me what is it. I am with child. Up to my grandmothers we went befor telling Your daddy. I took a deep breath. Really I didnt want to go in and tell her for one she didnt like your daddy at all. My grandpal he was the one that took me to this party to keep a eye on my little sister. I had to make sure she didn't get hurt. He knew Clayton for years. So I went in my grandmother was setting in her chair reading her Bible like she had always. We gave our lovings. I sat down in the floor in front of her took the Bible read a little and stopped she some how always knew Now that I had 2 boys of my own I understood. What is it child. Dont just sit there tell me. I handed the test over to her. Looked down she musted of looked at it 3 times things didnt get any better she called my mom, Then my 2 sisters an brother got up. I just sat there. I didn't know what to say to everyone. My grandpal was so happy he was the only one at the time. All he said you better have boys to keep the blood line going. And walked away. It was almost time to go get your daddy off work at the time he was working nights at foodland in town. He got into the car I didn't even get a chance to tell him my moms boy friend open his big mouth better start save man your going to be a daddy. He didnt say anything at first. Let me see that test. Your lieing. No,I'm with child. The look on his face I didnt feel as he was as happy as I was. How I was so scared to. I knew God wouldn't of let it happen for no reason. That very next day my Grandmother took me to the same Dr. that had been taking care of me since I was a child. It was so Embarrassing. 8 weeks al thw way back up to my gandmothers house she was on my ass.For one I didnt know anything about him only that he was from P.A. and was in some kind of gang something like that an my Grandpal knew way more then any of us. Really the only reason I even went out with him an had sex at the time I was to be wed to this guy I never meet that was over seas an he was much older then I was. I didn't want to be sent over seas that was the only way I knew how to make sure that I would stay here in W.V.... I went out with your daddie one time thats all it was to be. When I got home that night from being out my grandmother told me No, My grandpal said let her go an have a little fun that she would be fine that he hooked me up with him. My grandmother didnt say any more. She didnt want me to be sent over seas as well it was more my grandpal. He set the rules told me not to forget that I belonged to someone That I could talk only to him an no one else. Right before I left I was doing my hair my gandmothe come into the bathroom she told me you know if you end up with a child or have sex with any one without your gandpal okay it you know what will happen. I understood. It sucked any way I never had a say on anything any way. But I didnt want to be away from my gandmother or Uncle. At the time my Uncle was in 3 countys up he had living there with his new wife for almost 3 years now. He didn't know anything about what was taking places an if he did he wouldnt aloud it to happen. Him an his Dad never got along very well any way. He always looked out for me every time he would fine out that some one come by and gave my grandpal money for me it was not ever to long after he would be kicking in the door or something. These passed 3 years tho It had been a little different. I didnt know my uncle had come in that day when my grandmother went to the Dr. with me. As soon as I walked into the house there he was in the backroom coming out. My grandmother got ahod of me an made me set down. Well maw what did the Dr. say she is 8 weeks. He just gave me a hug and a kiss on my head. Told me that we would talk later. I didnt see Clayton your dad for 2 months. For one he knew my family was very upset with him.I went out with him I ran off really with him without telling anyone. When I did get home They left me laying in the drive way. I dont rember really what happen just that I told Melissa That everything was going black Clayton an Jason thought it was so funny. Befor I begin to feel that way I went into the Go-mart to used the bathroom come back out and Clayton gave me a pop that was already open half gone. It wasnt even 20minutes after that I stared to feel funny. The next thing I knew 3 days later I was in my bed. Didnt even rember how I got their or anything. Clayton never called or anything to tell my Grandmother he was in the wrong. One day my grandpal went out as he had always did. When came back he was with him. How my mom and granny wanted to kill him kick his ass. No one did a thing for one my grandpal was okay. I was told to pack my stuff that I would be living with him now. I didnt want to but I didnt have a choose. I didnt have sex with but that one night by the time I found out that I was with his Baby we been living together for 2 an half months then. It was on river st. next to the river. Not to far where my Grandmother an them live. About not even 5 minutes for me to get their or them to get to me. I was never aloud to go any where only my family was aloud to stop by or who ever Clayton said could. At that time I was still pushing drugs for my family but He didnt know. 6 months,6months thats all it took My grandmother an them stoped by to see me I was standing at the top of the steps Down I went right on my stomach. The Dr. in Westen said I was with 2 Babies after he pushed me down the steps I losted one of them.After that he begen to beat on me ever day If I didn'y go fast enough or cooked something he didnt like or liked. He didnt work was always running the st. Nothing I could say or do I had no choose. On July 30,2003 at 12:05am JaCoby Earl Bennett 21in. 6lbs 12oz. The joy of my life. Before he came into this world I would read,sing,talk to him every day. I knew I wasn't going to let my baby live the life I did I wasnt going to aloud it to take places. It wasnt even 4 weeks after I gave brith to Jacoby I was cooking dinner He walked by went to the bathroom. Then my head hit the side of the stove He would beat on me an all befor but he never went that far. He knew I couldnt do anything for 8 weeks. I didnt think it would matter because he was going out with othe girls and bring them home with him. I tried to fight him off but I didnt have any luck I cant rember what he hit me with what ever it was I didnt wake up. Couldnt tell you how long I was out. When I came to blood was ever where I was hurt so bad. I called my uncle I knew if I called up on that hill nothing would of been done. I didnt know if I was with a child. They tried to get me to take this one pill called the plan B. I had to go back in 8 weeks if I wanted to I could. They had to give me blood I stayed just for a few days. When I got back I had to clean up all the blood .Thank God He wasnt their. He didnt come back till I was already 7 months long. Nov 18,2004 Dakoda Victor Lee Bennett was born 9:30 am 19in. long 5lbs 12oz. when the boys where only 3 an 4 I got the guts to leave even tho I was told I couldnt at that time I was married to Clayton He had the say when, how, who was aloud to be there I didnt have a say in my dress anything. At the wedding he took this one girl that would come by all the time to the bathroom an had sex with her. It didnt matter if I seen it all. I didnt want to but my grandpal told me if I didnt my boys would be sent to the farm to work. I knew when I left him I was in for a ride that my life was really going to be hell. It took a full year to get the pappers in the mail 12-29-on my Brithday. It was in 2008 that fall the state placed my boys with my grandmother for now reason. I knew they did stuff like this to other people. I didnt think it would happen to me I was bring the drugs in for them working with the main guy in this town. But it did my mom told me I should of stayed with him. But I sick of being told who I could of been with talk to or even be frineds with .Why I really think they came at me because I slowed down was about to stop pretty much doing all of it. I Knew I had a choose that I was a free person just as everyone else. I was told that I was asking for toulbe. I didnt listen. My grandmal,an uncle made sure they stayed safe. Its been going on now 13 teen years now I have been uncover going through hell, being beaten, raped,sold, working on the fram so they wouldnt have to live the life I would. Yes they know how this town is an the people are. They understand what I have been doing. No one understands just how much those boys mean to me. Everything I do I do it for them. I didnt know or felt even understood what real love was till I had them. I never knew just what Gods love was like till I looked into there eyes. They have shown me to look for the good in every one an how to forgive.
God is real He is alive everywhere you look he is there even in the dark,in the middle of a storm, I didnt relize alot when I was young as time went on now I do. Even tho I am going through what I am. Last night I prayed for God not to let him hurt me no more stop him from hurting me in any way . He heard me. Today may be another day. Theres not one second that I am not praying talking with him I know if I take My eyes, my toughts off of him What could happen. I know things will happen but he knows I can handly it even when I feel I can not. Trust me their is days I wish He would just let them Kill me an get it over with.I do Hear a voice go on call me crazy what ever But he does tell me that I will be okay that I am stronger then I may think right now its just the devil trying to step in an put fear into my bones. He tells me I belong to him has always just like every one eles. By the way He does care an love each an every one of you. He has been trying to show the world that his words are true that we didnt listen we thought we could handly everything on our own that we didnt need Him in our every day lifes. But we do. I pray that somehow, some way this world will come to understand an relize that There is a God and yes he is coming back. That he hasnt hide his self or has been slow at anything he has been hoping that his children would open there hearts an souls an let him take care of them.
© carolyn L Barbe