So. as I sit here looking at this light in a metal box, I wonder what the universe can do for me. thinking like that seems selfish.

but what can I do for the universe? What can I do to prove I am of value to the world, my god, my people, other than being a bank account so they can circle the drain a little more than they already do?

I sit here, think and wonder why my life is the way it is. consuming contemplating what I want to eat because going through the motions at work just seems pointless even though I could just as much find a miracle out there just if I looked hard enough.

I'd find a good love, maybe one that doesnt string me up and mezz with my head. maybe the world is planning something big or not at all. I pray that I've been good enough to be rewarded, but at the same time...I wonder if I'll ever be good enough.

I have faith that god's divine plan has something in store for me. something that is better than I ever expected.

I hope that my life was meant for something, bigger than myself a world that values my input and grows thw greater good toward the world. but maybe thats wishful thinking.

oh god why do I have doubts?
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