Sometimes i do things i don't want to do and later regret it, 30% of the cause is because i don't have anyone to caution me,though i know what is right from what is wrong but i still choose to do the wrong thing all the time.
I get myself into shit that can't save me from my present miserable predicament,
I get pressured from peers that seem to be doing well which has got me struggling with a very low self esteem.
I feel intimidated at how perfect some kids look with their perfect families,the kind of big house they live in,how well respected their parents are in the community.
I envy their wellness not really in a bad way but I also get angry at the fact that I can't get an answer to why I'm in such a helpless situation.
The sadness that comes with that feeling of how lonely i am in this world is enough to make my day

I have a mum dealing with drug addiction
a very chronic addict that lies all the time she's a year sober and the next thing you see her back in the business.
My dad ran away few years back because he could not stand the toxicity of my mum. Yeah i also have an elder brother, an upcoming drunk. My dad has been sober for many years before he left.
He still reaches out to me one in a while and i do appreciate it but he's kinda still the same was since I've known him. It is like there's literally nothing he could do for me, I'm just so unlucky in the family department so I assume I'm a man of myself.
Since there's no one to look up to me, then i have to get my shit together and look up to myself cos ten years from now i want to be proud of the person i will create myself to be.

I crave for success so much and there is no other thing that pushes me to strive than the refusal of not producing an offspring i can't look out for, that i can't cater for.
The unwillingness to be mentally unstable for my child is what makes me hungry for piece of mind.
I feel like I need to be abnormal to become normal in few years for my offspring to be proud of who i will become.
I'm hungry for a perfect family, I want to become the different one in my lineage
No one knows me now but i believe my thorough search for greener pasture will make me somebody.
I believe it will happen and i also believe i will tell my story someday cos i have faith in the strength God has given me.

THIS IS A LETTER TO SOMEONE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD THAT HASN'T PUT DOWN THEIR THOUGHTS INTO WRITING.

© miraa