I’m highly dissociative as you know. But as of late I feel as though my dissociation is getting worse. I’m having less and less memory of the day.
I used to be able to recall the entire day in bits. They weren’t really ever in order chronologically, but they were there.
I used to be able to recall the entire day in bits. They weren’t really ever in order chronologically, but they were there.
Nowadays, I barely remember an hour of the day. I dissociate upward of 10 hours a day. If I’m not dissociating, my personality and mood shift rapidly. I cant really tell if I’m switching or not. Its all too subtle for me. Also, the other alters have a similar problem of coming out and vaguely remembering things. After sometime being out, an hour or so, they end up dissociating heavily too.
The entire system is severely dissociated from eachother. Which probably explains why we are so bad at communication.
I think our mind is more prone to dissociation then maybe other people would be. We have been highly dissociative since early childhood.
We were so unaware of reality that we thought we were puppets being controlled by a master. Also, we believed everyone was gay but hiding it to appear in society as "normal".
I know children all have weird ideas about what life is and how it works. But we didn’t really ever stop believing in those things. They just became conspiracies as we became older.
I think this is why we write so much better than anything else. It allows us to focus instead of dissociate. Its really a blessing that we can share our voice to even just one person.
Thank you.
-Trina (The Masquerade System)


© trina