A stolen look, a wistful glance, was all she had. The party she was attending was in full-swing; people were milling around. In her macular vision, she spotted him. he was talking and laughing with a group, and she, she was going through the motions, pretending to care, about the discussion. But in her mind, another world really, in her mind there was a montage being played out, scenes from her past were rolling. When they met, where they met, how their friendship, blossomed, how it flowed in to deep and respectful love; each moment felt as if it was alive and happening to her - then and there. It was a miracle she could keep a straight face, let alone stand straight. She felt his eyes on her, and she looked up,hesitant. Their eyes met, feelings were expressed, regrets exchanged, sadness multiplied, hope raised its head. With a considerable effort, she looked away, back at her companion, who demanded her, already stretched, attention. The shock of seeing him was settling in – and it brought with it – the latent feelings she had suppressed – and brought them back how! It was a sweet torture, to be able to see him, but knowing that she could never have him. Her heart leapt when he glanced at her, but was crushed when reality seeped in. It was a classic dance of hope against reality, where hope, ever positive, ever patient, can lead the heart to think, that there exists a possibility, when none does. “Hope, really is a downer for some”, she thought ," One is either soaring in the air, free as a bird, filled with hope, buoyed by it, or free falling in the deepest, darkest abyss. Even in this darkest place, a pinprick of light can be seen, it gives us hope that all is not lost, even when your mind knows it is a lie. That little pinprick of light, the little dot of hope, a mere speck, can either make you or break you.It can give you the reason to hope, and for some it may lead some to happiness, but for me, it is this hope that holds me back from healing.” She mentally chuckled at her verbose thoughts, “Shock makes me garrulous, more than usual”, she thought. She fiddled with her wedding ring, as the heat of his gaze warmed her over, her heart singing a song of another, while trapped in a cage, of another. Somehow, she knew, today’s accidental or not, sighting was going to set her back. She would have to rebuild the walls around her heart – that one glance at him, and one glance from him, had shattered into fine pieces. She wondered if he felt the same pull, if the same thread of hope and longing tugged at him, as it did at her. Whether it tugged or not, these threads could never be woven together, because destiny, or stupidity, had different plans. Schooling her thoughts, and putting her game face on she continued with the discussion, nodding at whatever was spoken. Waiting and anticipating his glance, and while that thought filled her heart with happiness, it also filled her her heart with dread. It is another thing to pine for something you cannot have, but it takes a special kind of bad luck to lose something you wanted, and still pine for it, knowing you've had it, but you can never have it again. She asked her mind to pipe down, knowing if it didn’t, the beautiful and tiny beast within her, hope, will tie her up in a knot, and every breath would be a torture. She took a deep breath, drowned her dreams in the seas of it-is-never-happening, and began to mill around. On the face, beautiful as hope can be, and inside, broken by the very hope, that lay in her heart, shattered by the mere speck.
© Natasha Sharma